[PerfectlyImperfect41]

Yesterday I post under General Q&A (true or false?) My brother had a lot to say regarding mental health and also a lot about me!

Since the conversation with my brother Thursday night I got this numb feeling it feels like no matter how hard I try, this battle is not for me to win! I'm tired of apologizing, I'm tired of explaining myself, I'm tired for hiding how I feel and what I'm thinking, I'm tired of their jokes about my mental state, I'm tired of not being good enough for them as I am now!

The ultimatum was given to me, and I've promised I will change I understand that I'm the only person that can change 'me' and I think under the circumstances I try my best! They said its the medication thats messing with my head, and I've stopped using it! Maybe thats not enough for them? The sad part is in this 2 weeks not my husband or my parents bother to ask me how I am feeling , am I ok? It makes me feel worthless like a nobody!!!!!!

They say suicide is a sin and that's true, but what about the people that's causing me to think I'm not worthy to be alive, don't it make them murderers as well? I know this statement is uncalled for but when are they going to 'wake up' and see what they are doing to me?

My emotions/feelings are busy boiling over and I'm afraid I'm going to loose control the urge to burn myself is back...... :

I know it's the anger in me that makes me think that maybe its time to tell them all to go to 'hell'! I don't think they will even care!

Why must I keep hanging on if they already gave up on me?

[Skeezyks]

Hello Sun-no-Shine: I'm so sorry you are struggling so. There is an author whose writings I very much appreciate, named Parker J. Palmer. In one of his books Palmer recounts an incident which illustrated the truth that some hurts are so deep, anything one might say to try to help can only cause further pain. So I'm not going to suggest any solutions here. I will simply send warm thoughts your way with the hope that you might find peace...

[Fuzzybear]

[mugwort2]

Feel so very ,very sorry for you sun no shine. The impression I get from your words is your your husband and your parents sound quite toxic. One thing I think suggesting you go off your meds is wrong. IMHO you should of discussed this with your pdoc first. Not implying you're a terrible person. I meant for your safety sake. Are there support groups including offline you can go to get emotional support? I'm here for you. Hugs!!! I'd do the hearts and teddy thing but no idea how to do that.

[PerfectlyImperfect41]

A warm thanks to you FuzzyBear for the hugs I hope your birthday was the greatest, Skeezyks thank you for all your messages and mugwort2 thank you for wanting to do the heart and teddy thing As I said in one of my post I think I found a safe haven here at PC, even if nobody replies just a :, or somebody reading what I'm feeling means somebody cares, and that I want to thank everybody here at PC for there's always someone that's supporting another member

Mugwort2; in this 3 years I've seen so many psychiatrists, psychologists, pastors etc. and in most of the sessions my husband was with, because I thought I didn't have to keep anything from him, but I soon learned that if you let people in on your feelings and thoughts they tend to use it against you! I reached out to these people because after all they have the insight and suppose to help you but instead they left me feeling worse about myself like I'm not right as a human being! I think there's truth in what Skyzaaks said sometimes people want to help but they can cause further pain!
We stay in SA on a farm, the community around here are small you know that kind if you 'fart' to hard everybody knows about it, so unfortanetly I can't seek help around here for my husband and parents are well known and I don't dare to embarrass them! I made the mistake in seeking help from my husbands pastor and that causes more problems!

There are support groups in the Cities, the nearest one is 3hours drive from where we stay. I'm unemployed for almost 2 years now due to health reasons I had to resign in 2013 and only was told a few months ago that I should not have done that! We only have a hospital plan, all the sessions and meds we have to pay ourselves!

With everything that's been said by my husband, parents and brother, and I've been told that I'm wasting money that we don't have on these doctors and meds..... I actually don't have a choice but to stop everything concerning my mental 'issues'!!! I don't have the money to pay for it myself so is it right that my husband must use his money on something that he believes is a waste?

I'm tired of chasing people for there love and attention its sad but true I don't think they need me as much as I need them, especially my husband and that breaks my heart...

[Fuzzybear]

No No! Don't give up

Here we have this "rule" - All for one and one for all

I send you love