this is kind of a rant,

Anyway.

Possible trigger:

I've been free of cutting for four years, free of self harm in general since December of last year

and no one cares. no one gives me any credit for doing aynthing good with myself, no one notices anything no one says anything. no, "i'm glad your better now kori" none of that

So what is the damn point in recovering? why the hell can't I just slice up my entire ****ing arm right now? why can't i jsut grab my old box cutter and have at it? why can't i do any of the **** that made me feel better so many years ago when I felt angry and upset since NOBODY gives a **** what i do?

im on edge and i really want to scratch my scars until they bust open andbleed again

or i'll just hunt down that damn boxcutter

i mean, seriously, who gives a **** about me anyway?

relapsed anyway
back to square one

hi.

i think, deep down, you know the answer to the question- who cares about you

you

why else would you stay free from SI for 4 years. that's an extremely good accomplishment- something you should be proud of

i know you relapsed just now, but that happens to all of us- i'm sure you can start over (and perhaps go for a longer time, who knows!)

[Bill3]

(((((Kori Anders)))))

One reason not too is cause i care about you... and you have a beautiful body... keep it that way... (((hugs)))

[12AM]

[Fuzzybear]

[bugbear83]

Okay it's a little too late since your original post to stop yourself and the damage is done. But even if you are back to square one consider these things:

1. You didn't originally stop for FOUR YEARS for anyone else. You did it for you. Even if it was largely influenced by other people's concern for you, we never really try to better ourselves for other people. Change doesn't happen that way, and you're making big changes in your behavior.

2. What you did was AMAZING! I can't tell you how proud I am and how much respect I have for someone who held out against SI urges for as long as you did, and the fact that you had a relapse doesn't change that feeling for me at all. I only wish you could have received the support you needed when you needed it.

3. Since you originally stopped for YOU, you can do it again. Why? Because you will be a good example for others who struggle with the same thing. Because you won't have to clean up the blood or wrap yourself up anymore afterwords and can do other things instead. Because you're WORTH IT even if you don't believe it right now.

4. Let the people in your life know you need a reminder of how they feel sometimes. I'm sure they'd be more than happy to tell you they support you. <3

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Kori Anders

this is kind of a rant,

Anyway.

Possible trigger:

I've been free of cutting for four years, free of self harm in general since December of last year

and no one cares. no one gives me any credit for doing aynthing good with myself, no one notices anything no one says anything. no, "i'm glad your better now kori" none of that

So what is the damn point in recovering? why the hell can't I just slice up my entire ****ing arm right now? why can't i jsut grab my old box cutter and have at it? why can't i do any of the **** that made me feel better so many years ago when I felt angry and upset since NOBODY gives a **** what i do?

im on edge and i really want to scratch my scars until they bust open andbleed again

or i'll just hunt down that damn boxcutter

i mean, seriously, who gives a **** about me anyway?

I know exactly what you mean, kori. I've been 10 months SI free and no one gives 2 shits. It really hurts. Yeah I stopped doing it like I quit smoking, for my own healt, but it would be nice for someone to notice how hard I've been working on my mental health and give me credit for healing my own ****ing self when doctors couldn't do it.

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