[sinking]

I was wondering if T knowing/not knowing, or knowing how much often we SH and/or to what extent and seriousness, or wanting to see the marks and commenting on it all or encouraging you to stop, could affect the frequency and seriousness of our behavior in respect of SH.

Like, with me, with T1 we discussed SH just a couple of times and mentioned it just a couple o times without giving it much importance in 7 years (even though it was serious enough for me to go to ER), while i with T2, she shows much interest on the subject making many many questions, asking to look at them etc.

the weird thing is that with T1 i gradually felt the urges to fade, up to the point i involuntarily stopped for 4 months. with T2 instead i feel the urge to behave at my worst. cuts, alcohol, pills.... i want her to see the worst of me.

i understand this is a dynamic and nobody's to blame, but what do you think?
talking about it all the time could make it worse?

[unaluna]

I think this applies to anything psychological. My t says he doesnt yell because yelling doesnt work. He is all "unconditional positive regard". Feed the good part of you, pretty much ignore the bad? He will explore it with you, but he doesnt get all negative about it.

[ThisWayOut]

Hmm, good question. I think it's somewhat individual. I've had t's that kept close tabs on the sh,and others that only addressed it if either I brought it up, or if it became severe. When my sh happens to be fueled by needing a sense of control, if t was to focused on it, it became worse. When it's been more fueled by a need to manage other symptoms, t's attention to it helped ease the frequency and severity. Other times, if I was spiraling out anyway, it didn't really matter what t did around it, it still escalated...
Currently, it's fueled by both needing a sense of control and needing to alleviate other symptoms. It's been increasing in severity even before t and I stated talking about it again...
Then there's always the point where the addiction kicks in. If it's an addiction problem, then I'm not sure t's attention or inattention to it would make much of a difference.
Perhaps it would be good to have a conversation with your t about it? I've had to ask t's to back off because the pressure of accountability was too much in the moment. It was easier with some t's than with others. There's a measure of trust needed to be able to ask t to back off, and you have to follow through with any agreements made around it. Current t and I have worked together for about 5 years now (with a 2 year gap when I moved out of state), so there's trust there. We have agreed to only address the sh if I want to address it, or if it becomes a "matter of concern". The new t's I saw while I was away needed more time to get to that level of trusting I would speak up if needed. They agreed to ask about it, but not focus too much on it unless I wanted to. Some of it was clinic guidelines for maintaining safety, but they also didn't really know me too well, so they needed to assess how much of an issue it was. I've found frank and honest conversations around it are the easiest way to build trust (even if much of the talk is around fears about talking about it, or difficulties talking about it, or a sense of needing to be "at your worst" if they focus too much on it).

[sinking]

i feel bad if i talk about it and i feel bad if i dont. its a no win situation

[MobiusPsyche]

My t said we could talk about nothing but my self injury and suicidal feelings every session... But that wouldn't get us very far. I do think you can talk about it too much, in a way that has harmful effects. It's important to find a balance that works for both you and your t.

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[sinking]

Thank you. the problem then is i almost never talked about it, then i guess... i'll try to find balance. my new T says it makes her feel horrible when i tell her, my old T never said a word about how it made him feel it.

what do you think Ts feel hearing us talking about our SHing?

[seesaw]

I do think the way a T approaches SH can affect how much we do it. I had one T who was very comfortable with handling it and talking about it, but he didn't make any demands on me to stop. So I did as much as I wanted. Another T later on made me sign a safety contract. And I was so worried she would drop me if I SH'd, that I didn't and haven't SH'd in 10 months and 13 days. I have actually moved and am trying to find a new T, so I guess I could go ahead and SH now, but I've learned to deal with those triggers in different ways now.

So I think a T's attitude and how they handle SH can make a HUGE difference. My T that helped me stop, she was really good at being a T and I wanted to stay with her badly so I kept to the contract. So I think whether or not you respect your T enough can have some play in it as well.

Seesaw

[MobiusPsyche]

I think a T who cares about us as a human being feels something...sadness perhaps...but a good T is able to feel that and still connect with us and our need / desire to self-injure. They understand why and how it helps us cope.

My T recently said that it made her sad to think of me being harmed...even if i was the one doing the harming.

It's important to have a T who can hear us talk about this stuff, though, and isn't deep down afraid of it. Yours might not be there, yet, so it might be something to address with her directly.

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[junkDNA]

could you maybe be trying to elicit caring and concerned responses from your T?
if she does do those things for you, it could be reinforcing the desire to SH, which would ge t your needs met from your T.

[MobiusPsyche]

Originally Posted by junkDNA

could you maybe be trying to elicit caring and concerned responses from your T?
if she does do those things for you, it could be reinforcing the desire to SH, which would ge t your needs met from your T.

Was that for me? That's possible. I'll think about it.

I'd still rather have a T who cares too much than one who's scared of the topic.

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[sinking]

Originally Posted by junkDNA

could you maybe be trying to elicit caring and concerned responses from your T?
if she does do those things for you, it could be reinforcing the desire to SH, which would ge t your needs met from your T.

YES, this is what i am afraid of the most!!!

if things are like this, what do i do?