[kimboboo]

I've been in therapy for years now. While I seldom si (one weekend in the past 14 months), I daily think about it. It drives me nuts. I'm feeling more and dissociating less, but I still think about cutting. I feel stronger than I ever have, but I just want these thoughts to go away. Is anyone else experiencing this? Any suggestions on how to deal with it? Thanks for the help.

Kim

[SunshineGold03]

Hello Kim,
I too am a Self injurer and I think about engaging in self injury at least once every two weeks. Very often I do not act on these urges instead try to engage in activities that I know will distract me from thinking of cutting for instance I will call a friend/family member just to chit chat or I will watch TV or I will go online and play games whatever it is I can do to distracte me for those moments. I hope you find this helpful. It is good that you feel strong though that is important!

Jenn

[kimboboo]

Thanks for the suggestions. I have used distraction a lot in the past and even now sometimes. I guess I'm looking for a way to make the thoughts disappear forever. I know that's probably not realistic, but how long after I stop cutting will I still think about it?

Kim

[SunshineGold03]

Hey Kim,
I don't think one can ever be "cured" per say. I think its more a matter of having alot more better days than bad days which is good too. I think if you view it that way then perhaps you will not feel as frustrated or disappointed when you experience those days where you feel like cutting. It sounds like you are doing a remarkable job not cutting so that in and of itself is wonderful. Just remember that there will probably be days were you are tempted by your thoughts but if you can fight those thoughts off and have many more days were you don't cut and many more days when you fight the urge than that is what get better is all about even if you are not cured per say.

[LadyDragus]

ya trust me I can fully understand the thinking about cutting, and I can fully understanding not wanting, to but not wanting to..

you have to be strong enough not too.. I am not always strong enough either.. But I try my hardest..
Think about what causes, you to want to cut, that is the best defense that I can tell you.. and trying to not think about that

<font color=purple>
take time to heal thyself before trying to help others, or you will never get better

I totally feel the same way. I don't cut anymore but i come to this area of the site because i do think about it. Last night i imagined myself doing it. i also haven't done it in over a year. i threw away anything that I used to use. I keep it far. I told my Therapist that I did it but I dishonestly said it wasnt a big tempation (partly true). I thing big temptations are things your going to do, but im not, but I hate the fact that I have thoughts.

I can relate!

[Zenobia]

Welcome Kim,
I have not gone as long without cutting as you. I just celebrated 3 months! whoo Hoo! I have found that as I work on stuff the makes me feel good about myself I think about cutting less. I am on a totally spiritual bent right now and find connecting to my source in that way seems to make the thoughts go away. I don't know why, it just has been working for me. I found for me just plain therapy wasn't making it any better. I improved every area of my life and was basically happy but I still hurt myself on almost daily basis except when I was doing something spiritually oriented. This lead me to seek out a transpersonal counselor. It has been an interesting journey so far. I have only just started though so can't really say it is going to work. I am still triggered often and the urge comes over me. It irritates the heck out of me because I have been working so hard on getting better and I really do feel massively better but that darn urge is still there. I think it is linked to the addiction cycle and I wonder how long alcoholics continue to crave alcohol after recovery.
Carrie

<font color=green>But the implicit and usually unconscious bargain we make with ourselves is that, yes, we want to be healed, we want to be made whole, we're willing to go some distance, but we're not willing to question the fundamental assumptions upon which our way of life has been built, both personally and societally.--Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft

[kimboboo]

Doesn't it frustrate you that you still think about it? Sometimes it makes me so angry.

It frustrates me so much. I think it frustrates me because I know its a sign of much deeper troubles.. for me it makes me feel different. So maybe it frustrates me because I don't want to accept myself. I'm working to accept myself and deal compassionately with myself (which includes the urges). I'm trying to think of creative ways to use the urge to cut to actually encourage and work towards healing.

[kimboboo]

I don't understand what you mean by using the urge to cut to encourage and findways of healing. Can you explain?