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#1
Dec 28, 2016, 09:24 PM
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I have a love hate relationship with my scars that I can't seem to keep up with.
I absolutely hate my scars. I'm unable to wear short sleeves because of it. And if I could I would make them all disappear. But, at the same time all I want to do is add to them. I feel like I don't have enough and they aren't bad enough. I think it's just if I could go back in time and not start cutting then I absolutely would do that, but as I have I might as well carry on and make it as bad as possible. Does that make sense? |
 Bill3, Fuzzybear, MtnTime2896, notz, RoseTiger, Skeezyks, TaintedLove
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#2
Dec 29, 2016, 02:21 PM
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Although I don't / can't self harm anymore... I'd still like to...
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| Anonymous37901
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#3
Dec 30, 2016, 06:45 AM
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A lot of sense, actually. I catch myself thinking the same when I want to add to them, that they're not bad enough and I need to add. When I don't want to, I carry them with shame. It's definitely not something I advertise, as I've always cut in places that can't be seen in my normal attire. My upper arms took quite a hit, but I can still wear t-shirts. However, I'm getting ready to tat up one of them. Then I'll only have one which I will cover when I know I'll finally to be done.
Sometimes I do look at my scars and just think, "Damn, that was a hard night. Glad I made it. I'm happy all I did was this." As my T said, "I'd rather you cut and self harm than go further. If it keeps you alive, then do it."
__________________
"Give him his freedom and he'll remember his humanity." Last edited by MtnTime2896; Dec 30, 2016 at 07:54 AM. |
| Anonymous37901
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#4
Jan 01, 2017, 09:08 PM
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That definitely makes sense. I spent years overcoming the shame attached to my scars. But when I relapsed, all I wanted to do was make more.
One of my favorite songs is called What Scars are for by Mandisa. It's a pretty powerful song. Hang in there, friend 
__________________
Yes. Jesus is the reason I am still alive today.  Diagnoses: MDD, BPD, PTSD, OCD, AN-BP (I don't define myself by my personal alphabet up there, but I put it there so that maybe somebody won't feel so alone  )
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| Anonymous37901
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#5
Jan 04, 2017, 02:08 PM
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Makes perfect sense to me. They're addictive. Once you have one you want to cover your whole body and it has to be bigger. And when they began to fade to light scars you miss when they were more visible. My stepmom made me use scar cream and now I can't see my old ones. Unfortunately, I missed them too much so I started again.
I think I'm going to start looking into tattoos. I think I'll get a similar satisfaction as when I look at old scars, anyway. I know I'll still want to cut, but maybe I won't want to ruin my tattoos and not do it.
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"Can we create something beautiful and destroy it?" Pierce The Veil, "Disasterology" |
| Anonymous37901
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#6
Jan 06, 2017, 04:11 PM
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I have kind of the same issue. I hate my scars and want to cover them up but at the same time I don't want to hide them, and I want to make more. Its a harsh battle but we can win.
__________________
There is darkness all around me, and darkness in my heart. |
| Anonymous37901
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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