[LunaLunaLuna]

Hi I'm Luna. I think my post needs a trigger warning.
I'm here because my husband asked me to talk to someone. anyone.

Long story short, I had a difficult childhood and it still haunts me decades later.

I've wanted to end my life time to time. The first time was when I was 12 years old. Then it got calmed down till I went to college. I don't have this sever depression so often. It comes and goes.

But the last couple of days were the hardest. I feel I have no value, no need to exist, worthless, ashamed, etc. I feel horrible that my husband has to deal with me and I just want to end it all for everyone's sake. I strangled myself for the first time. I almost fainted and fell on the floor. My husband noticed and he stayed with me whole night to make sure I would be still alive the next day. I only wanted to feel physical pain to overwrite emotional pain. He said people die like that not knowing how dangerous it is. I didn't know but I still repeated it next day when he was not there. I didn't care.

During my work today, I was thinking when to end my life and how I should manage it. I was very calm and logical when I was thinking and THAT scares me.
I'd rather live a happy life but how can I be happy when I don't even care my life. I don't even know what I can achieve here but here I am.

[AmandaBroken]

Originally Posted by LunaLunaLuna

Hi I'm Luna.

We are glad you are here. I want you to know if you need to talk I am here for you. It is never easy to admit you need help, or that you can not do this alone. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I offer you a gentle hug and a soft embrace. Please be safe...

Are you planning to speak to a Therapist/Counselor? I would say this needs to be your next step.

Again, feel free to contact me by PM...

Amanda

[Skeezyks]

Hello Luna: This appears to be your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

Hopefully coming here to PC can be of some comfort & support. However, as I'm sure you realize, there's only so much that can be done on-line. Given that you're feeling as actively suicidal as you are, I'd like to encourage you to reach out in real life for the help you need.

I've been where you are a couple of times. So I know a thing or two about this suicide stuff. I know that when a person becomes suicidal, their focus narrows until they can no longer see other options. I also know how difficult it can be for family members to know what to do.

A suicide creates a shock wave that echoes down through the generations & gives everyone who was close to the person who is gone permission to do the same thing. It's a sad legacy to leave behind. So I pray that you will be able to find the strength to do what has to be done in order to heal.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!