What I mean about this question is that when I am SI'ing I am never thinking about the consequences of the scars or the stinging afterwards. I just do it, my only concern to satisfy that immediate need.

And at times it really "hits" me-- like if I am in a dressing room changing clothes... and you know how the lights in the store are really bright... and I will see all my marks/cuts/scars on my hips or thighs or wherever... and at that moment I will get upset and say, "What on earth did I do to myself?"

Or sometimes I will cut and then awhile afterwards I will notice how much it stings... and again.... "Why did I do that?"

Or I will be putting on a pair of pants and they will scrape against the cuts... and it hurts, it stings... I become angry and upset at myself.

Such a delayed reaction. Such insignificant consequences in the heat of the moment...

[_Hope_]

i do the exact same thing
linda

[ickydog2006]

It use to hit me most often right after I'd cut and then see the blood everywhere and think "what the hell did I just do" and then proceed to clean up. Now that I've quit it still hurts some whenever I see the scars or realize how much it hurt my relationships, and after really bad cravings pass, it feels like why did I ever start this to begin with. Had someone taught me the consequences of SI to begin with I don't believe I would have ever started.

[starfish]

Interesting question-
I think I get upset in sort of the same situations. I think there is such a dichotomy between my private and public selves that it catches me off guard when I see my cuts in the rest room at work or changing at the gym. It actually happened today when I was getting dressed for yoga. I had almost forgotten that I cut my leg this morning because I was anxious about work. I was just kind of digusted with myself. I also always hate that sting in the shower when I've cut the night before.

Anyway - a timely subject.

[kimdracula]

I usually sit and think "why?" the morning after because it usually happens at night/very early morning.

My most visible scars are on my left arm at the top and I was stood outside work one day [I'm training to be a body piercer] and my tattooist [there's a tattoo studio above where I work], our landlord and I were stood talking and our landlord caught some of my scars coz I had a short-ish sleeved top on. He's a bit of an ignorant, insensitive guy and he turned round to my tattooist and was like "have you seen what she's done, she's f*cking cut herself up!"

My tattooist is such a sweet guy and I could tell he had a bit of a worried look on his face and that was probably the most awkward position I've been in about my scars :/

Heh, I ramble a bit don't I O__o

[RebbieDoll]

i only get upset if people notice