It has been ___ days since I SIed -- Part W!!

Congratulations PointOfNoReturn! That is awesome!

Made it to 15... now at zero...

15 is a good number! Hang in there, you can start another good run!

Wow that is a long run! Congratulations.
I'm sorry it is so hard for you right now. I hope you can find a way to get through.
Whatever happens, I hope you can find a way to be kind to yourself. You deserve kindness.

((((((childofchaos)))))))
15 days is an achievement, only you know exactly how hard each day was. Good job childofchaos.

Just over 2 weeks and counting. Not too bad, my arm is healing.

Great job, Jester’s Rags! Congratulations!

So I work in bakery. I always accidentally burn myself. This time after flinching and pulling away, I put my arm back on it. So less than 1 day. But I keep telling myself its an accident so it does not count. It counts. We lie best when we lie to ourselves.

(Partial copy/paste from addictions forum)

Lately, it's been rough. I have been wanting to drink so bad lately. I keep trying to go to meetings, but I get there and can't handle being around people, so I leave.

Instead of drinking or using and losing my 7 mos sober, I've been self harming. I had been doing well with that until this past week. Tomorrow is the 15th anniversary of the death of the most important person in my life. I don't truly know how to express how much she meant to me. I don't think I ever really dealt with her death, in that 15 years. It's hitting me extremely hard this week.

I've been in the ER 4 times this past week to get fixed up. I've been getting more and more suicidal each day. I don't know how to tell people IRL any of this. I did manage to tell the doc and social worker at the ER today, but not the entire story.

I cannot handle going IP; it's worse in there for me than it is out here. I see my pdoc on Monday, I just have to make it thru tomorrow, the actual anniversary of her death.

Sorry if that went too far... it just all kinda came out... hitting post now before I change my mind...

childofchaos831, I'm so sorry for your loss, it sounds completely heartbreaking for you. I'm so sorry.



((((((((((childofchaos831))))))))))



What can help you get through tomorrow? How can we help?

I honestly don't know... this past week has gotten worse each day, and I'm scared of what tomorrow is gonna bring. I don't even know what to expect at this point.

Good morning chilofchaos831.

I am wishing you a safe day. Know that you are in my thoughts.

Thank you for the puppy hug Bill...

You're welcome!

How is your day so far? What are you thinking about doing today?

Going to bed now. See pdoc tomorrow afternoon. Been a rough day and can't really make words to explain right now...

(((Child)))

Sweet dreams and good luck tomorrow. Will seeing your pdoc help?

(((((childofchaos831)))))

I don't know if seeing him will help or not... we have been working hard on keeping me out of IP, because I have serious issues with going into the hospital. It's less helpful than managing things outpatient for me, also. But, like all docs, if the risk is high enough, they don't haved a choice. I'm just scared if I'm completely honest, I won't be given a choice. But I know I need to be completely honest so he can correctly decide what should be done medication wise also... I really just want to not go, but I know that wouldn't be helpful at all.

I hope that today goes better for you childofchaos831.

I don't know how long it's been. The last post I can find where I did anything was in October, so maybe 3 months? 4? I don't know. But I did it today, this morning. And it felt good. I'll regret this later.

EDIT: It's been 20 minutes. I regret it.

I know words won't help much but I really feel for you!

(((((((childofchaos))))))))

what's done is done, I hope you will find room in your heart to be kind to yourself. You did so well with all those months.
That's a lot of strength you've practiced and a lot of injury you've prevented.

Take care. (((((((((PsychNitrous))))))))

Last night... I am so tired of this. I kept it superficial this time tho.