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#1
Oct 16, 2008, 01:34 PM
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 I f there was a time when l dont want to "feel " its now l want to go back to saying nothing , doing nothing and telling no one. BUT I CANT!!!! dont want to feel this pain inside dont want to feel the shame dont want to feel the hurt dont want to remember dont want to know Just WANT to forget cant forget cant pretend cant say it not matter cant not feel the hurts cant take away the shame cant take away the disgust l feel and so instead what is left raging raging anger that l dont know what to do with, hate for myself for this stupid and pathetic person that ive become distractions coming out ny ears and yet what is it l still come back too the only thing l know PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN my own paincaused by ME to me and why because it is the only thing that takes that raging anger away for just a while. its gone its not there then suddenly wham its back rearing its ugly head crushing me inside until l CUT CUT CUT again until its gone again. Today l have this anger that has been building UP and Up and Up there is no where on my body left for me to cut after the diasasters the other day andnow im sitiing waiting until that feeling will go away Will it??l doubt it Will l cut??? very likely Do l care right now???No l dont and why?????this stupid stupid stupid ANGER burning inside. Shame for the way l feel ,hate for the way l feel ,Disgust for the way l feel, Hurt by the way l feel but most of all right now ANGER at the way l feel. I know l need to be stronger , l know that l am so weak and pathetic and l also know that at this prsent moment I HATE IT ALL, I HATE THEM , BUT MOST OF ALL I HATE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How DO L GET THROUGH TODAY KNOWING WHAT L MUST DO TOMORROW I CANT DO IT I AM SO STUPID AND PATHETIC ASHAMED AND DISGUSTED I CANT DO IT AGEN I JUST CANT AM TOO WEAL TO SCAREDTO STUPID ANGER THAT IF L DONT HE DO IT AGENBECAUSE I HAVE LET HIM AGEN   
__________________
 "never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.... few things are more humiliating and what a tragedy when they believe you"
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#2
Oct 16, 2008, 01:41 PM
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Silent I am so sorry that you are so distressed. You have every right to all of your feelings. Please don't hate yourself because you feel. Do you have anyone IRL around?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#3
Oct 16, 2008, 10:41 PM
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 TRIGGERED BAD!!!!!!!!!HELP!!!!!!!!!!!no there is no one he but me and my head. going round and round over it all agen. stupid stpid flashabcks driving me insane need to switch them off but cant make them stop.only way to stop it now is to carry on cut and cut and cut til it stop even for just a while. shame over takes agen and this time it like l want to destroy. feel like want to cut self to pieces just to make it all stop. no one here cant do today just not strong enough or good enough and what it matter any way????????it doesnt!!!!!!!!!!!! that urge is so bad right now its like its taking over me and can think or nothing else, want to shout and scream butno one here to hear me so instead l scream in my head and in my heart cantdo this no more ned it all to stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
__________________
"never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.... few things are more humiliating and what a tragedy when they believe you"
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#4
Oct 17, 2008, 04:43 AM
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((((((((((((((silentandscared)))))))))))))))))))))
I'm sorry things are so terrible for you right now. It sounds like you are suffering terribly. I am concerned for you. I agree with Sannah - are reaching out for help IRL? Please stay safe.  ktgirl |
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#5
Oct 17, 2008, 05:30 AM
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(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( silentandscared ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I know. Be safe. 
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#6
Oct 17, 2008, 08:30 AM
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Silent are you okay today?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#7
Oct 17, 2008, 01:22 PM
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Quote:
Thankyou for your concern the anger has passed for now at least been to see T and my team all care is no due to be reviewed on monday and increase of support over the weekend. the stuff with the police statements has created allsorts of bad memories to surface and im really striuggling but goig minute to minute at moment its the only way lcan sorry to allxxxx  
__________________
"never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.... few things are more humiliating and what a tragedy when they believe you"
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 Sannah
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