[Zenobia]

Jamesie's thread and Wisewoman's reply got me to thinking about the question "Why do I drink?" I know that when I do I invaribly get taken over by the blues the next day. I tend to do extremely stupid things while I drink. I am not an alcoholic so there isn't the urge to drink like there is the urge to self injure but when there is alcohol around me I drink it. I will put away a whole bottle of wine in short order. There is no 1 or 2 drinks. As long as there is alcohol I continue drinking. Sometimes I will even switch over to beer which is one beverage I can't stand in the slightest. Anyway, I was wondering if any of you do this and if you have gained some insight into the situation that you could pass on to me.
Carrie

<font color=blue>If you have two dollars, spend one on bread and the other on flowers. The bread will feed your body and the flowers will feed your soul."--Arabic Saying

[wisewoman]

I don't have an answer for you. Several of my own guess about me. Drink to self medicate, drink to FEEL something. Drink because our inside selves know that it disinhibits us to do the stupid things. Drink because it lets the parts of us become more available to eachother. I am not speaking DID, just dissociation disorder. I know that it's an unsafe thing for me to do. I have noticed others who do major sh while under the influence. It's a theme for a lot of people. Does this give you any ideas?

[Rapunzel]

I don't drink, and never have, because I know that if I ever did, I would really be lost, and maybe not be able to find my way back out. There are times when I really wish that I had that option, and those would be the worst possible times to drink. Drinking and other subsbance abuse are an SI method for some people. Although it is viewed differently, it can come from the same place and have similar results. But something just doesn't add up about taking a depressant like alcohol when your problem involves depression.


<font color=orange>"If a light beckons to you, follow it. If it leads you into the quagmire, you'll probably find your way out of it again; but if you don't follow it, you'll be plagued for the rest of your life by the thought that perhaps it was your star." Friedrich Hebbet</font color=orange>

[PlanningtoLive]

I drink to forget, to allow myself to actually feel things and try to find "me" again.

Once I start, I also continue to drink......however, I get depressed because I can't ever find what I'm looking for, then I usually take too many pills of something. It's really depressing when I do that. I simply give up and don't care.

I haven't had a drink in many months now........if I started it would be unpleasant.


Courage is fear that has said its prayers.
Dorothy Bernard

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mary Alice}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[Zenobia]

From everyone's posts it looks like drinking helps us to feel. I have to agree with this. When I begin drinking I feel in touch with myself. As I get a little tipsy I can really feel my body and every movement it makes. I feel in contact with it. I also feel expansive inside rather then closed and constricted. But as the drunk gets deeper I lose touch with it again, I can't feel my body any more and the expansion becomes foggy and that is when I start doing stupid things. If only I could stop at one or two drinks when things are feeling good but I can't. When the alcohol is there I HAVE to keep drinking.

Then there seems to be the opinion that it is important not to drink at all because when one does it leads to bad things. This I agree with too. If I drink I don't stop until the bottle is empty. Luckily I don't go to the bar that often. Last time I did I drank until I puked. It was my birthday so everyone else was buying my drinks so the bottle didn't go empty (I didn't run out of money). So I drink until I threw up. Sigh.
Carrie

<font color=blue>If you have two dollars, spend one on bread and the other on flowers. The bread will feed your body and the flowers will feed your soul."--Arabic Saying

[wisewoman]

I have to say that at some point in my life many years ago I decided suicide was not an option. Within the past few months I have decided that self harm is not an option. I can see clearly the links to alcohol and FEELING that others have posted about. Our brains do amazing things to try to save our souls. But, I quess I am weighing in saying that alcohol is not a choice I want to make. I feel a great sadness as I see the scars on my body and think of the desperate woman who did that. I am so sad to think it gets that bad for her that she does that. But I am here and it won't happen again. I am working on health and understanding. Alcohol will just mess with the other drugs anyway. I am sad that any of us have ever needed to cause pain in order to live through our messed up lives. I'm working on dealing with less direct ways of self harm now. Not eating, risky behavior etc.

[SunshineGold03]

I noticed that the majority of the times that I self injure is when I am under the influence of alcohol. I monitor my drinking habits carefully for a few reasons like 1. Major history of alcoholism in the family and 2. Easier to self injure when I am drunk and 3. I can get majorly depressed when i am drunk. I try to make sure I am only drink when the situation is appropriate like dinner parties or the like and NOT when I am home alone feeling sad.