[Breathing]

I think this is sort of a self-confirmation question, but I want to know for sure.

After a person quits, are they supposed to NOT feel the "need" for cutting anymore? Or are they just stopping themselves out of sheer willpower?

I have quit, and although I quit (for about more than a year now), I still WANT to cut. I don't understand. I felt like I went through hell when I forced myself to stop, but am I supposed to heal to the point where I don't feel the need for it anymore? It sounds right but I don't see how I can stop feeling this way... If I have to deal with these urges all my life then I'd like to know that I have to do so. It gets.....tiring.

So far, I can't help but fall into depression from time to time. I do wake myself up in the end, but dealing with it alone (especially when I don't want anyone to know) is wearing me out. I admit I once again hurt myself greatly last month, and at this I am alarmed, because it indicates that I'm losing the control over my addiction.

Am I on the right track? Am I quitting the wrong way? I don't understand...

PS - This is a technical question if anyone can help me (Yes, I am clueless about computer and such ^___^? ). Why am I marked as a "Visitor" instead of "Member"? I thought I was a member a long time ago?

From Breathing

Keep me breathing...
My day, my night,
My memories...

Hi Breathing!

I think different levels are based on your number of posts. I think once you post 50 or 100 times, you get the distinction of "member." I'm not really sure tho. Ozzie or others would know that well.

I still feel the urge to cut even though I don't. I'm hoping for going away, but fading or becoming less intense is good too. What does help is having someone to talk about your urges with. Its accountibility and support. Therapists are good for that. I guess I'm preachin to myself since I need to talk to mine .

[Rapunzel]

First, about your title - that has to do with your posting status (how many times you have posted). Since you joined almost a year ago, you started as "visitor" but I don't think that that one is used anymore. "Visitor" changed to "member" I think after 5 posts, so see if your title changes after you have posted 5 times. If it doesn't, there was someone else here whose title stayed at visitor and she had over 100 posts. I think that what happened was, since "visitor" isn't used anymore, the software didn't recognize that it was supposed to advance someone from "visitor." If you feel that the same thing is happening to you, send a PM to docJohn. He can change it.

The desire to cut does persist after you stop, and I think it gets more persistent for a while, but eventually it will quiet down and fade into the background as you stop acting on that urge. It can be pretty rough for a while, and having the support of someone like a therapist can help a lot. And you really have got to have some other way of dealing with the feelings that make you want to cut, hopefully somethign more constructive.

I can stop cutting any time I want to, but if I do, I replace it with something else that is also destructive. How can I say this in a way that isn't triggering? The more I resist the desire to cut, the more I want to later, and I am afraid of it getting out of control, and I don't have the support of a T right now so I am essentially on my own. My T never directly addressed cutting anyway - I used to think that was a good thing, as cutting is a way to cope, not the real problem itself, but now I'm not sure about the way he handled that anymore.

Anyway, I think that the support of a therapist is important when you are trying to overcome self-injury. I don't know that there is any such thing as quitting the wrong way, but this is something that runs deep, and if you don't deal with the underlying issues, they will only get covered up and healed over the top, so it looks like you are better, but the wound is still there, inside, and you can still feel it.

<font color=orange>"If a light beckons to you, follow it. If it leads you into the quagmire, you'll probably find your way out of it again; but if you don't follow it, you'll be plagued for the rest of your life by the thought that perhaps it was your star." Friedrich Hebbet</font color=orange>

[SweetCrusader]

I know someone who quit cutting 4 years ago and still feels the urge sometimes when things get rough. I quit cutting for two years and the urge actually did go away for about the first year of that time, but then it came back. After a year of fighting the urge, I gave in and cut again. And then again about 2 1/2 months later. For me, I don't know if the urge will ever go away. I tell myself that once I have worked through my issues, the urge to cut will completely go away because I will have no need of that kind of coping mechanism. I don't know if it's true, but it's what I like to think. And I think my T would probably say the same. So maybe you still have issues to deal with?


-comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable-

[Zenobia]

When I ask myself will the urge ever go away I like to think of it like alcoholism. When someone quits drinking, the urge to drink remains strong for quite awhile. That is why in the first year they give "birthday chips" out every single month. These little coins remind them that yes they made it through one more month. Once they reach a year, the next chip is in 18 months then 2 years then are given out yearly after that. I believe that self injury is an addiction and probably the urge dissapates over time but is still present in times of high stress. I found the first 2 months intollerable, the third month ok, the fourthe month great and then WAM! I got hit by a big stressor and fell off the wagon. But that is ok because stopping this time hasn't been nearly as difficult. It has been a week and there is no craving. I continue to work on my inner demons in therapy so hopefully the stressors will not catch me so off guard next time.
Carrie

<font color=blue>If you have two dollars, spend one on bread and the other on flowers. The bread will feed your body and the flowers will feed your soul."--Arabic Saying