Want to do it today.....

just an unbelieveably depressing day today. off and on feelings of despair and depression lurking. I wanted to just leave the forums for a while. I have to leave my moms soon to "deal" and not looking forward to that.

the urge to not SI is overwhelming tonite.
I need to try and get past this one night.

thanks all for you help.
Colleen

(((((((((((((Colleen))))))))))))) you can do it! Take a look at the coping strategies in the forum about what you can do instead (if you haven't already).

Actually i was just looking at it. I think i need to go to bed.
try to sleep off the urges.

I appreciate your help. Everbody here is absolutely wonderful.
Have a good nite. im sure going to try. Need to put the scissors AWAY.....they just keep calling me.
Colleen

Maybe sleeping will work well for you. Get some good rest and distract you from harming yourself. I hope it works well for you tonight.

BB

Ok. today is the day i go home. for sure this time. Feeling anxious and depressed as well.
When im by my mom. all is well. when i go home however, things are back to "normal". More bills,
More depression more crap. I have to think about things. I have anxieties to play with. I dont want to deal
and have no choice. christmas is crap. Right now things are just crap. Shes adopted me a while back. and the best thing thats ever happened to me since my real parents died. (told you the story before....readers digest version: met her on a diabetes support group and she "adopted" me. I tried to stay as long as i can, but i know the enevitable is coming.
I have to go home. I have to face my "life" if thats what you want to call it. The two weeks here have been the best of
things thus far. thank god i have a sidekick phone so i can lean on you all for help.

I cant help but be depressed and want to SI today. Im just hating today in general. She makes everything go away, albeit temporary but im happy here.

Today will be rough. back to the inevitable. my life.....my sucky life.

Ohhhhhhhhhhh
Colleen, you can get through this..... sissors bad, colleen good.
Just one step at a time, ok? Don't look at everything at once. Keep your eyes on something solid and move forward one step at a time.

((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))) kiya

Hey kiya thanks.....

Today was hard. I'm sitting in a bus terminal ......greyhound sux......but I'm on my way home.

Have a boxcutter that's calling my name right now. My mom is the best. I mean really who gets a second chance at a real mom who loves not abuses? And here I sit depressed and tired. With a wonderful husband waiting at home yet I feel so helpless. I don't have the nerve to do it but its calling my name.

Why is this so hard for me? Why do I feel like life sux so bad. I should b feeling so blessed to have a mom. And I am. Guess that's why I don't want to leave her right now. A lot of us could only dream of this. And here for me it happens. Just down today. She's so wonderful and I have to face my life.......
I'd rather hide and cut.......
Back to my book and my boxcutter. Thanks for your help. You, jinny. Bb, cyran0, too many to name that save me here.

Best,
Colleen

Ps......colleen gooooood......boxcutter baaad...ok tht DID give me a chuckle....hugs back atcha

((((((((((((Colleen))))))))))))))

You can do it! I know Christmas is hard for a lot of people (me included) but you can come here - we're not close, but it's still sort of a good family.

Hey thanks for the reply. Today is tough for me. Was on a high for a day or two and now im crashing.

The inevitable......feels better to SI. especially tonite.

Could use a good talk tonite. wierd cycling.
Colleen

If you want to talk, I'd be happy to help if i can ...

Hey jacq,
Good to hear from you. I was on a high for a day or two, being happy, then suddenly the crash.

Just sux today, tonite, whatever. it just sucks.

But yea id like to chat. did you get my email?
Colleen