Bad thoughts (((trigger)))

My arm is now not enough.
I'm afraid i am fantasing about my neck. It is very scary because all that is stopping me is that i only have one high neck jumper at home.
It is taking over my thoughts and my dreams.

((((((((((Abby)))))))))))

Is there ANYTHING you can do instead of letting the thoughts play in your head? Have you seen the post about what you can do instead of SIng? That can be helpful.

I hope you don't do anything. Be safe.

Hi Abby,
It is me again. Hope you don't mind me talking. I too am a SI er.
Are you safe using the One Day at a Time or even 1/2 Hour at a Time????? Have you called your Therapist today? I think s/he would want to know how you are feeling. Maybe it be helpful for you to consider hospitalization if your thoughts & dreams are overwhelmed with SIing? and the degree of SIing? We care about you Abby.

The neck is a dangerous place to cut, ((((((((( Abby )))))))))))

Dear Abby,

I want to echo the other responses and add that I often (once a day) ponder ways to feel or rather not feel anymore pain. When I read your post, I had to find some way to be able to articulate how important it is not to hurt yourself without sounding like a hypocrite. I am not the type of person who preaches to others or anything like that, but I had to consider two important realities of myself. One, I am grounded in my belief in Jesus. The second, is the stark realization that I have an obligation to not only myself and my dreams, but to those who depend and love me unconditionally. This is not to say that I do not forget this, in fact, since age 8, there has never been a single day in which I wanted to leave this world. I had to reason that these never-ending thoughts, feelings, and bad memories of the past are not my fault. So, why am I punishing myself? It is this question that I still struggle with after 20+ years. I hope that you will not continue to hurt or punish yourself. Finally, I want you to know that you are not alone. This is not a punch line, it is real. If there is anything I can do to support you, please let me know. God knows that I need help too.

Please take good care of yourself,

David (NewDawnFades)

thank you everyone, sorry it has taken me so long to reply - i have been going through a period of not being able to communicate and the fear of starting sentences.
The urges have reduced now, so i don't think there is much fear of me doing the above in the near future now. I know that this is a bad area to be fixated on and i know this is something i need to talk to someone about because unfortunately knowing myself rather well it will happen at some point or another.
The worst part is that i don't feel as though i am punishing myself, i have nothing to be hurt about. I am very blessed. But i do now lack any will power to believe my SI is a bad thing. I'm not sure if i can say this....but i care so little right now about fighting any urges, i'm not fighting to get better. I have no strength left to do that. Of course i am worried, i do not want it to happen but i also do not have the energy to change paths if i do.
DId anyone read the post up in general about people coming on here and not trying to get better? I feel i am one of those people. But is not due to laziness nor because i enjoy sympathy/attention, it is simply because i have no strength to fight anymore. I'm worn out.

Abby, im sorry youre having such a hard time honey...but it does get better. you are not lazy. you are depressed. and THATS whats making things worse.

Is there anything i can do? do you want to PM me and we can talk? im here you know. I know you dont know me, but ihave a great ear and a big heart.

Take care. try not to hurt ok?

colleen