[xIxAmxSadx]

Hello all!
I was curious if anyone else here can relate to relapsing into self harm again after many years being clean. I have been clean from self harm for 6 years, but I have begun to self injure again occasionally when I am under intense emotional stress. I know this is not good. It worries me that my coping skills have begun to slip lately. I have been sober from alcohol for almost 3 years, I feel I have no release from my emotions. I just don't know what to do.

[SlumberKitty]

I haven't been in that exact position, no, I am still working on getting several years under my belt. 15 months and two days at the moment. But I am sure one of these days that will be a post of mine. I think it will be something that is always with me and something I will always struggle with. Do you have a therapist? Might help to go to one for a few sessions and get your tool kit refreshed. HUGS Kit

[WanderingCat]

I think I was clean for about 3 years when I relapsed. What helped me was to acknowledge that it had happened and that is was not the end of the world. It was frustrating, but I did not make a big deal about it. It might now work for everyone, but it helped me to rationalize that all my hard work had not gone to waste because of one relapse.
I agree that talking with a therapist is a good idea. I also "forced" myself to reflect on why I did relapse, what were the emotions behind the act. It was painful, I cried a lot, but it was also useful.
You say you can't release your emotions: can you name those emotions? Why can't you let them out?
I struggled with anger, and I did not want to admit that even to myself since I kind of see anger as a negative emotion, which of course does not make sense, and I am working on it. Now I meditate everyday, I have made a calming bottle, I keep a diary and I have a playlist with songs that kind of allow me to feel that anger without hurting myself or other people. Of course that was just my experience, you might be struggling with a different emotion and you might find useful other methods.

[byfnvy]

I started again after almost 4 years, but I did have this reflection:

Originally Posted by byfnvy

I do want to say that it's different now than how it was before, I don't feel as bad and I don't cut as much or as often as I used to, so I guess that brings some hope and progress.

...

Even feeling depressed feels different now than it did when I was younger. I feel more okay now. I'm not sure how to explain it exactly, it's like I feel that I'll always be okay. Even when I don't feel okay at the moment, I'll still be okay then.

Since I posted that, I suppose I did start to get used to it again, but frequency is maybe once or a few days in a month, and a stretch of at least a month clean, depending on stress and stuff. There have also been stretches of almost or more than a year. The last few times have simply been out of pure frustration, to stop myself from screaming out and swearing, which could be a way to release emotion if it's appropriate for you.

Time passes so fast these days, didn't realize it's already been 5 years since I started again

[jai-jai]

Hi Abby,

I relapsed for about 2 months, after probably a 9 or 10 year gap. It was a rough ride. I'm sorry you are struggling with emotional release. Have you spoken with a Therapist?
I began using the elastic band technique, and the ice cube technique, which sometimes work. Otherwise I jump into the chat rooms here, and that helps. I've recently had a diagnoses of PTSD, and a whole load of emotions and past things have resurfaced and its been a really rough time.

Always feel free to send me PM, I'm happy to chat.

Take care and in those moments when you feel it necessary to harm, just know there is a community of people who understand. <3

Joanna.

[just2b]

was there not anymore...

[Silver49]

Hang in there! You are only human!

[Skeezyks]

Yes, I relapsed after... oh... probably 10 years or so... give-or-take a couple of years. (Memory fails me.) I don't know why I did it. I knew it would only make matters even worse than they already were. But I did it anyway and, sure enough, it made matters even worse than they already were. Hopefully I'm done now.

I relapsed after 4 years of stopping, when my angel cat Ebony died

[HALLIEBETH87]

I’ve relapsed several
Times. It is a part of recovery.

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87

I’ve relapsed several
Times. It is a part of recovery.

Yes, I agree. Part of recovery is relapse. Until the last time you SH is the last time you SH.