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#1
Feb 10, 2008, 09:01 PM
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the first time i've admitted to si was on here a week or so ago, i havn't been able to tell my therapist and i'm scared that if i do, it will tip me over the edge and i'm so close to the edge right now. I have no idea how to take a step back because all my safeguards that used to work for me have shrivelled away, they no longer do anything, the pain from facing my past in therapy is just too much and i need a release but i know the normal things i do won't be enough and i'm scared i'll go too far but at the same time i'm exhausted from trying to hold back, if i thought that maybe next week i'd feel better or even next month or next year, at least it would be something to hold onto but right now there just seems no way out. I wanted to be strong, I wanted to stop this, I didn't want to do it anymore but i'm just not as strong as i hoped i was
Sorry for going on, just needed to tell someone how i was feeling queenie |
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#2
Feb 10, 2008, 09:34 PM
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((((((( queenie ))))))))
Therapy is hard work, especially when you come from such a past that you have needed something like this just to cope. It takes some time to come to terms with it and to start to be able to talk about it. That applies to SI, but I find it even harder to start talking about real feelings f2f with a real person. You are taking steps towards that. It's fine to tell your therapist that you are scared and that the work you are doing is hard. Therapists know that, but it is still a big step forward when you can say it, and allow them to help you feel better about it. No pressure from me. You'll talk about what you need to when you're ready. Until then, hold on and stay safe.  Rap
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“We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.” – John H. Groberg 
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#3
Feb 10, 2008, 10:54 PM
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i know how hard it is to tell your t... i was in a really similar place as you when i told... i knew i had too... but was so scared of his reaction... he was really firm... but he also let me know i was safe telling him... and truth be told it kind of pulled me back away from the edge... even though it felt like it would push me over... one thing that has helped me is to picture the urge as a wave... that builds up but then it subsides... and washes (sometimes it crashes) to the shore... i am still in the place that i really would rather si then not... and i often wish my t would just give up on me... but he doesn't...lyn
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lyn one could do worse then be a swinger of birches. ~robert frost~
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#4
Feb 11, 2008, 02:09 AM
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((((((((((queenie123))))))))))))))))
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#5
Feb 11, 2008, 04:33 AM
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((((((((((queenie))))))))))
just do what you feel able to do- it IS exhausting fighting. Take care of you. You must be strong, if you have held off for even a little while. Kudos for that. I wish you well.
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I know that behind every grey cloud there is a silver lining; I just need to be patient enough to find it!!! |
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#6
Feb 11, 2008, 08:45 PM
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Thankyou all for your replies, I'm not good with words tonight so I hope you all know how grateful I am when I just say
THANKYOU Queenie |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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