triggering......

It baffles me....that I have this desire...this urge...to rip open my veins and watch the blood pulse out down my legs....to be mesmerized by it...to emerse myself in this pleasure...to float...to drift so far away from reality that I'm no longer in any pain...

why does something so bad feel so good...?

why does it take me to a place so peaceful and free..?

is it just wrong because it is socially perverse?

.....

why do so many people who have been abused need to do this???????? what is the connection??????

...........

for everyone it is different... for me it's not about seeing the results... it's more about where i go when i do it... when i cut i don't feel pain... it relieves my panic... i am actively looking for other ways to cope... but, for right now it still has a hold on me... the reason that it's not ok is because it is so dangerous... the risk of cutting too deep... or infection... if you think about it... would you want your doctor cutting you when he is in a panic attack? or when he is needing to disassociate? hmmm guess i need to think about this for myself...lyn

(((((((somebodysomeday)))))))))))))

All I can say, is that I've been there and it does really seem nice to think about doing it.

... as for your other question... this is just from my perspective, but self-injuring reinforces all the messages that I'm worthless etc that I was told (as part of the 'abuse')

Please take care of you.

Agreed, Christina is a smart lady...

"self injuring reinforces all the messages that I'm worthless etc that I was told (as part of the "abuse") "

For me it's actually feeling something..I feel so unreal so imaginary that when I hurt myself I know I'm okay..I know that I am here and I'm not just a figment of someone's imagination. Sometimes it's because things are really stressful and I need to take out the stress and anger but I don't know how so I take it out on me. I'm my own personal punching bag on occasions.
It isn't wrong because it's social perverese I think it's wrong because it has a negative affect. One wrong slip one wrong time and you could wind up dead..or seriously injured. Also it doesn't ever help you deal with the issues at hand it just helps smooth them over..until the next time you need to deal with a stressful situtation and then the same problems arise. I know because of my self-injuring I have no clue how to succesfully mangage my anger or stress or any emotion...I also have never dealt with the past because of my self-injury.

Self injure is a coping mechanism..it's the only way that I know how to deal with my anger..with my deppersion..with my past..with all the bad memories I have..it makes me real..it makes the dream like state go away that my memories create for me. We do it because it is our way of dealing.

All I can tell you somebodysomeday is that we are all here for you..we are all dealing with this and that it will be okay..I have hope for us all. If you ever want to talk don't hesitate to message me okay.
Giving Hugs
Silver

Silver well put.....

I feel the same way. it helps me feel SOMETHING....and the urges seem to never go away. but its something we all need to work on. those urges are stronger for me now than a while ago...so its been tough to tame the urge.

Hope you are feeling better
C