I see a lot of posts here where people say that they cut one night and then feel really horrible about it.

I am going through an episode that has lasted many, many weeks (months?) in which I cut multiple times every single night without fail. Occasionally during the day, as well. I never feel like a failure because the behavior is all I know. I almost feel as though I'd be a failure if I didn't do it. I am aware that the whole thing is out of control.

I know we are all different, but I'm curious to get a feel for what others do.

Do you go through episodes where you cut a lot? Do you just cut once and you are through with it? Do you feel guilty?

[Jully]

I went through a period for about three weeks where I cut daily, then I managed to only cut about three times a week for about four weeks, then I got down to once a week for about three weeks, then I did not cut at all for two weeks. Now the cycle has started over again. During the times when I decreased the cutting, I was self-harming by taking too many pills, interfering with wound healing, and restricting food. So I guess I have been constantly self-harming in different ways.

I feel very guilty and ashamed about it, but I also feel a sense of power and accomplishment. Screwed up...

[bchlyn]

when i am in an intense cycle... the only reason i feel bad is because i know i will be held accountable by my t... that he will ask me about it... and have me show him... during those times i wish i never told him... and i can't see who i am hurting...lyn

[Kiya]

well, cutting is just one way for me... since i'm really allergic to food, chocolate is like SI... which is why i am at home with a migraine and an ice pack right now. =( too much easter. which means i ate some chocolate (ok a whole bar and some minis), some strawberry pieces in sugar, a finger of cool whip... what else was illegal for me... oh yeah a choclate cake that i made that i had to taste a few times... and a cake i "supposedly " can eat with a bunch of oil in it...
i seem to have cycles between methods.... sometimes i get on to a cutting thing. this week i have been too depresed (thus the chocolate).

[Typo]

For me it all depends on my emotions or if I feel really outside of reality. I was self injuring everyday mulitple times. I feel so miserable when I cut or replace the cutting with alcohol..I have temperary relief or feel back down to earth but I always feel worse later or I get extremely parinod that people can see what I was doing or could see the aftermath. If I stop cutting then I go to sneaking vodka and drinking it to replace the feeling that cutting gave me. But for the most part no matter what I was feeling I was self harming everday some way or another.

[sujunew]

After reading the other responses I am looking at my SI in a different light. Altho I know I SI in a number of ways, when I think of an 'episode' I only think of cutting or burning as SI.But in reality I never stop SIing. For the most part it is hurting myself physically in some other way (i.e. picking my skin) but as that is something I have done since I was 6 it seems 'normal'...There is more I want to add- as to when I cut or burn instead of the other stuff, but my brain is so fuzzy right now I'm signing off!

[bchlyn]

take gentle care... i do the other things too...lyn

[SerenitysWave]

for yrs it was a daily thing to S/I (many diff ways).... the past cple yrs its a cycling... I will S/I daily for a cple days, or weeks or months and then nothing for months to a yr... I never felt like a failure when I started again... didnt feel guilty.... b/c its for me, about me , and for me its a part of me.... pple are shocked when they find out that I am someone who self harms... my triggers are getting farther apart.. coping skills are getting stronger and not so much desire to S/I... I dont keep track of how long its been..just approximate... I dont want to be constantly thinking about it in that way... as fail or success... for me it is what it is...

[Lemon]

I go in phases with SI (cutting and burning). I can go a couple weeks without anything, but once I start, then I'll SI almost every day or several times a week for awhile. I wonder if the brain feels the relief and so the impluse gets stronger again.

[Rapunzel]

I go in phases too. There are weeks or months at a time when I cut or used pins or something every time I got mad, or just to try to fill up the feelings of emptiness. Sometimes I would go months or years in between without cutting, sometimes because I was too scared to cut because I was too depressed, or I was too numb to care.

Now I only cut maybe 2-3 times per year. But I'm getting into head banging again. Still, not really often. I only get unbearably frustrated like that when I feel pushed past my limits, and that might happen a few times in a row for a while, so it still comes in clusters. It's not all the time though. And I never have felt particularly bad about hurting myself afterwards. Sometimes embarassed after the really big ones. I know I need to stop though. I have to set a better example for my kids, my clients, etc. - people that I hope to be able to teach how to cope in a better way. And I can't teach them if I can't learn myself. I do feel bad about that.

[Fuzzybear]