i've been trying to post for the last week, and it just has not been happening. there are so many things i wanna get out of my head, i just wouldn't be able to say it all and make sense of it. i've got too many thoughts jumbled up in my head.

i think i'll start posting a lot more. school is getting to be a big burden. i'm starting to think quiting therapy was a bad idea. i know i didn't want to be there and my mom didn't want to risk being seen by any people she knew, but i have no one to talk to right now. i have a friend that sees a T regularly, and he's just kinda blowing it off. he tells me things that he doesn't tell his T and he might regret that one day. he's got his issues, but he also has help that he should use to his advantage. the whole time i was in therapy, i never told the straight truth. i always made things sound a little better than they should. my T didn't know any better. I just wanted to get out of there. seems to be a bad idea now.

if i didn't know any better, i'd report myself to the school counselors. all through out therapy i still si-d, i overdosed once (never told anyone), and just of late i've been drinking. that's not a problem, i'm sobering up. can't afford to get in trouble with the cops.

but that's just life i guess. just sucks. i always feel like i come here and blab about nothing, and i probably do. just tell me if i do. i don't wanna waste anyone else's time. well...g'nite, or good morning. which ever. ((((hugs))))

[jetblackaura]

(((((((((((Sleepy head))))))))))))

You're not blabbing about nothing if it's important to you..you give people your time and in return they give you yours..you're not wasting anybody's time.

I hope you sort out what you're going to do..keep us informed,if you want.

Claire

[SweetCrusader]

((((((sleepy)))))

You are NOT wasting anybody's time and you are not blabbing about nothing. What you have to say is important, and it is important that you are heard and supported. We're here to do that.

It sounds like you've been doing a lot of deep thinking about this therapy thing. I like the conclusions you have reached. I know what you mean about hiding things from your T. I did that a lot, but not even intentionally. It's a way of self-protecting I think. Not letting the T get past that shell to where they might acutally matter to you, be able to judge you, and maybe hurt you. At least that's what it was for me. But I found I got a LOT more out of therapy the more trust I placed in my therapist.

You are still very young. You will have chances in your life to get another T. When you do, remember the lessons that you learned this time around and take them with you into therapy.

Have you shared your thoughts about this with your friend, btw?

As for not having anyone to talk to, I'm so sorry you are so alone in 3d. I know it's hard and painful. You always have us, though. And we care about you LOTS. So keep on posting your feelings here.

((((safe hugs))))) if you want them
Angela