[Cthomas]

Im done trying. at least thats how i feel right this very second. My husband sat me down last night after i had a most violent mood swing, and basically told me he cant take living with my abuse any longer. He pointed out various facts which hed been rolling off his shoulders for the past 15 years. yesterday i hit the button on him and he exploded at me. At first i was mad, then sad, then wanting to try harder. see i changed my ways with my friends, but kept the same attitudes with him. so im getting better but worse?

last night he said a line i wont forget. it was "i can forgive but i need time" - which sent me into shut down mode. I have completely gone numb, not happy OR sad. Just feeling worthless, like a fake, like my life was a lie.

So.......Im leaning on you all one more time. (getting sick of hearing that?) How about this......I just dont feel like trying anymore. Im calling my T. I want to run away. take my dog. which an update so far. (ear infections, arthritis, waiting on blood tests still) but hes running like a pup again. just want to take my dog and dissappear.

I dont want to try. I dont want to tell anybody IRL because I already feel like i let my husband down. cant do that to everybody else...im sorry. dont even know why i posted this

me

[Kiya]

oh honey - i'm sorry. have you two thought about coupples counseling so you could work off your mood swings in there instead of at him? would he be willing to do that? sounds like maybe some skills for anger and mood swings are needed - it's one thing to change behaviors with friends - quite another when it is where you live. i understand this totally. might t provide any advice?
keep us posted ok.....?
kep breathing - one thing at a time. you can do this.

[Cthomas]

see he dont believe he wants to GO to therapy with me. because i am the one with the problem. He has been rolling it off his back. i told him im not a mind reader, you need to confront me regardless of the mood. he says he will. but well see.

Thanks friend.......

me

[jacq10]

(((((((((((Colleen))))))))))))

I'm sorry your hurting so much right now

And I know it doesn't feel like this right now, but maybe it was a good thing that your husband sat you down and had that talk with you. I think it's important in every relationship that the two partners be honest with each other, and it seems to me that that's what he was trying to do.

I realise I wasn't there, and I don't know him at all... but from my experience, things seem to have to get worse before they can get better. Think of this as the "worse" stage, but with the hopes that this will lead to the "better" stage where you both have a better understanding of each other.

The fact that he said that he can forgive you should tell you that he's NOT given up on you. He obviously still loves you because he respects you enough to tell you how he's feeling. And yes, maybe he does need time... but i think the important thing to focus on is that he WANTS things to improve. He is on your side, you just have to have some patience with him.

I know its hard to tell people IRL about your struggles... but hun, thats how people grow. Thats how people come to understandings of each other.... and if you can just take that leap and try and confide in people, you just might be surprised at how they respond. And in your husbands case... it doesn't seem to me like he wants to go anywhere. So try just a little to tell him how your feeling. Even if its just telling him that your scared to share a lot...

Baby steps.

Hang in there hun... i'm sorry i haven't been around much, but i religiously check my email so if you need to get a hold of me, thats the best way.

Hugs
Jacq

[Typo]

(((Cthomas)))

I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you excpet to hang on and that I am always here to give you lots of hugs and support when you need it.

[Cthomas]

Thanks to you for the hugs and the backup. I appreciate it as always. It just feels like this is a constant struggle.

@jac, thanks......will email later. i promise.

ME

[Christina86]

((((((((((((((Colleen)))))))))))))))) I'm sorry that your husband said that... seems rather harsh.

I wish I had good advice to give, but I'll give my love and support and you know where to reach me to chat.

[onlymedid]

I am so sorry that is happening. I understand how hard this must be. It is so tough and I am keeping you in my thoughts.



BJ

[bipolar_bear]

(((((((((((((((((((Colleen))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am sorry that you are going through this with your husband. Mood swings in a partner can be very hard for someone to cope with on a daily basis. As much as he may want to understand he may be struggling to know what you are experiencing. He just may not know what else to do. Maybe you can explain that for you to heal faster that it would be beneficial for him to go with you to t so you can understand what effect you are having on him. That way you could brainstorm how to improve your relationship and how you react in it. Just a thought.

BB

[Cthomas]

@onlymedid, thank you for the support. I actually sat down and talked to him. weve been married 15 years and theres a lot of history there. so i was just shocked that he NEVER brought it up before. we talked it out this morning. and we created a buzzword for when i get mooody.

thanks so much!

@ christina 86. thanks for being a good friend. You are an awesome member here. and i love ya

@ bipolar bear......I wish there was a time i could help YOU for all the times you have backed me up. thank YOU for being here too.

Colleen

[Kiya]

oh good - that's a great idea on that buzz word!!! THinking about you!
kiya

[bchlyn]

((((colleen)))) i am sorry i missed this yesterday... i wasn't online... i ran in circles yesterday... i know it was hard to hear him tell you those things... but if he hadn't told you ... you wouldn't know what was going on with him... it must have really hurt... i think kiya is right about couples t it takes two you know... it's not all you ... there are two of you.. please stay safe and be gentle with yourself... lyn

[crazybones]

dont give up hope ok life can all of a sudden change one day dont just through it all away cuz a few simple set backs move forward one day at a time it is all u can do really best of luck to you

[Fuzzybear]

[purplebutterfly]

(((((Colleen)))))) We can do this, we really can. I just had the same conversation with my partner, my moods really bad, and it is hard for our partners to understand our anger, depression, etc. I usually just have to say I need to be alone when I feel those moods coming on, and that way my partner knows that it is best that they leave me alone or let me vent or cry or do whatever I need to.
PM me if you want, you also have my email address use it seriously.

[Cthomas]

Hey lyn, thanks for the reply. we had a long talk and kinda settled this. we decided the past is the past the future is more important and started making a set of words that would alert me to bad behavior.

Im hoping im ok when im that "mood" but i know i will try.

Hope you are staying safe too.
C

[Cthomas]

@ Scotty, Fuzzy, and Purple.

Sorry for the bunched together type post. but thank you all for backing me up. Im still trying. We had a scare here this friday, a train station had a semi truck crash into it. My husband was in that area at that time. couldnt get a hold of him, people killed in that crash. turns out he left for work early and his phone lost signal i nthe building. I wanted 3 long hours to find out he was ok. after he saw the accident, and i went through all of that. we realized nothing was more important than him and me being together.

thanks to you all....

Colleen - who is relieved about friday but still panicking???

[bchlyn]

[bipolar_bear]

I am so glad he is ok. It is nice that it showed both of you how much you mean to each other.

BB