Will I ever stop-Triggering

Cutting has become my life, it has taken over day after day the thoughts are here they never go away. I really hate myself lately. I can tell others not to cut, while I am sitting there with the razor in my hand. WTF....I was always told things happen for a reason..so what is the reason behind me cutting. I was told I was not good enough and that I deserved it, why did I deserve the abuse the rape the depression the everything- I guess I know why it is because somewhere somehow I did deserve it all. I just feel like giving up, why should I try. I know everyone is f* tired of me, all I do is bring others down and I know I do. And everyone tells me no that I am not a bother, but when you have been told your whole life that you are nothing more than an accident that happened you kinda believe that you were and are never good enough for anything nor anyone. I am tired of hold it all in, I want to let it out- but I have no one IRL to talk to about it. And like i have said my former Pdoc and T don't give a **** about me. No response needed, I am not worth it.

((((purple)))

You are worth a response. You are a wonderful and caring person. I don't know who told you all those horrible things but they deserve a good swift kick in the knee..You are far from a bother, you are worth love and happiness, and peace.

You didn't deserve the abuse or the horrible things that have happened. Noone does..noone ever deserves to be hurt by another human being like that. Not everything happens for a reason..sometimes the world is just full of chaos that noone can explain.

Keep holding on..I understand the noone in IRL to talk to about it..I could never tell my friends about my SI because they would never get it..and that is okay. Is there a support group you could go to near your area?

Keep holding on Purple..you mean alot to everyone here and you mean alot to me. Things are hard but they will get better..one day at a time. You just have to keep hope near.

Silver

Silversparrow has said it all, dear purplebutterfly. Absolutely right.

(((((((((((purplebutterfly)))))))))))))

We need to work on those cognitive distortions of yours...

You do/did NOT deserve everything bad that happens to you.
You should NOT give up.
Nobody is sick of you here. Nobody.
You ARE totally worth it. Worth love, time, and energy. I like hearing from you... through the bad and through the good stuff too!

I know it's hard to beat the stuff we were told when we're younger... but if you try to start replacing the bad lies you were told with the good stuff that we tell you here... eventually it does get easier to believe and hear the good things.

you know i feel this way sometimes evrybody is very much worth the effort to help each other in time of need your question is a big one i myself still battle with urges but you really cant let it run your life stoping is not easy never is but some day it will end