in the danger zone again

((((((((((Kiya)))))))))))))

How are you doing now?

kiya... you are so much stronger then even you know... keep breathing... take it one step at a time... remember baby steps... one urge at a time... how are you this morning?...lyn

((((((((((((BBear, Christina, Lyn))))))))))))))))))

thanks. i did get through. That sitting and breathing and *waiting* is about the hardest thing i've ever done i think.

thank you all for the support!! kiya

glad you were able to stay safe ... how are you tonight?

Hmmmm how am i....

I feel lost in the twisting, ever shifting realities of the alters. It is so tiring. makes me weary. And while I am on a "medication" to ease the anxiety (and supposedly also the depression) i find that it also eases away my sense of... not of self but of that strong ever constant panic that got me to get things done, no matter the toll on the self (mental, emotional, physical). So I can't say which is better.

chaos - utter chaos, yet controlled.

i felt that way too when i started lexapro.... i think for me it took awhile to get past the anxiety feeling like the normal place... and in the beginning that felt so numb... it gets better...lyn

thanks - and good to hear from you. what is going on for you these days?

today was sort of iffy - lots of anger, dissociating, switching, memories, flashbacks... wanting to injure and the constant thinking of ways to end (you know, the suicide idation - not the actual). tiring.
thinking about you.
k

you can do this kiya... when those thoughts enter replace them with the truth...ok?

as for me i am pretty much a mess

lyn

yeah - tryin... Saw MD yesterday. She bumped up the lexapro due to all the panic, flashbacks, and near SI's. She's scheaming with T on how to get me out of this house. A little nervous about the whole thing.

In fact, the only thing that has kept me from cutting over the past week is that I want to wear sleeveless things. The only place numb enough to cut is the arms - so... i had to choose which i would give up; the instant coping method or the sphegetti strap cammis. I still have my marks from April - which helps me not make more.
how are you?

wow... vanity the T's friend so to speak... we are expecting some really hot weather next week so i haven't cut... i don't know about it being the only numb place... but it definitely is the most effective place for me... i am glad you stayed safe so far... this is a hard weekend for me on many levels... past... is my dad's birthday... was always a favorite for me.... then he died on the 6th and his funeral was the 9th... my son tim's birthday... present it's hard because i have to take the girls to their other grandmothers tomorrow... i never know if or when i will see them again... and that is so hard...anyways enough about me... why does your t and med doc want you out of that house... and what do they suggest you do?????.... stay safe...lyn

"vanity the T's friend so to speak"

really good point.