[dalila]

I have been so good for a long time. For over a month I didn’t cut, scratch or dig, but I think I blew it last night. I have had an ingrown toenail that has been badly infected. I have soaked it and been treating it for more than 2 months. Trimming the nail, working the skin back, getting out pus even cutting off some of the dead skin or callous to get nail free to grow, but it is still bad. Anyway, I was cleaning it up last night and got out my scissors to trim some more of the nail cos it was caught under a flap of skin. I thought that I could easier trim off the skin and started trying to do that. Well it started to bleed. I grabbed some tissues to blot it and found myself cutting and cutting on that little area – the infection is bad so every touch hurt but I just kept after it making it bleed and watching the blood. I suddenly realized what I was doing, forced myself to put the scissors away, and bandaged the toe. I am so mad at myself! All week I struggled with wanting to SI and resisted. So now, I have blown it and I want to do more. Felt so good to sit there watching, dang this stuff is addicting. Ok I have not done any more today so am now 24 hours of no SI and counting. <font color="#666666"> </font>

[ktp]

dalila:
I have absolutely no wisdom to share. But I have been having issues too, if you haven't read my post, I'm sure you probably will see one at one time or another, so you're not alone. Sometimes that helps.

hey 24 hours is a start

take care and keep on keepin' on,
Kimberly.

[Zenobia]

I have done that sort of thing. I was one who couldn't leave scabs alone. My only question is why don't you take your toe to the doctor? I would hate for that infection to get worse. Good job with getting on with your work on not self injuring. 24 hours is the beginning.
Take care of that toe and yourself,
Carrie

[dalila]

Well I am starting over again. Fortunately I am going to therapy tomorrow so maybe can get a handle on this. I have seen a doctor for my toe, he is gonna do a 'procedure' on it on the 22nd. Hopefully getting that piece off last night will make me able to leave it alone -- I have it nice and sore now. sigh. Current problem is that I have been having so many stinky flashbacks and get to where I just want to have them stop, NOW not an hour from now.

[SweetCrusader]

I've totally been there with the ingrown toenail thing. It's like freaking impossible to take care of it without inflicting some pain, and when you feel the pain, boy does that si urge take over, eh?!

I hope you can get your toe all better soon. I know how much those hurt. It stinks.

Best wishes on holding out with the si thing!!!

Angela