[dalila]

Yesterday I cut again more or less by accident, I was playing with some scissors and suddenly had snipped a little hole on my leg. At the time, I was so startled and scared I stopped the bleeding immediately and put a band-aid on it. Ever since I did that, I have been craving the blood the steel the feel the release. I want to cut so much. I don’t have any reason to cut but I want to cut. I think about it and I feel as if I was justified cos I did it once and got nothing from it. I have been dreaming of it. I already have to tell therapist tomorrow what I did what difference if it is a snip or a slash. Or several. I am stressed out over my son and granddaughter and I just want to see the blood flow.

Cut last night, I palmed a knife but it was too dull could only scratch with it, so I got a pair of scissors and used them to open a tiny wound on my thigh, it barely bled but enough the few drips seemed to relieve the awful pressure. I want to cut some more but I have therapy today and am gonna try to stop this nonsense.

Hang on -- Keep tryng. I admire that! It speaks of your strength and hope for the future.

esthersvirtue

[Rapunzel]

Dalila,

I know what you mean. Especially the part about feeling justified because you did it once and didn't get anything out of it. I've also noticed that you accidentally cut or scratch yourself more when you are under stress. Not sure what to say, but I wanted you to know that I feel for you.

{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} if you want them

[itsjustme111]

(((((((((dalila))))))))), hope your doing alright. And its not nonsense. I say good for you for thinking about therapy and being able to talk about this. I hope it went okay for u.

Please hang in there and let us know how u are doing.

Justy

[dalila]

Thanks everyone Hugs to you all. i haven't done any more SI. My therapist is an angel - we spent 90 minutes working through my stuff. She really gets where I am coming from and is so supportive. She pointed out that I was under a lot of stress and really tried to avoid cutting. She encouraged me to call a local hotline if I get that close again to try to keep from cutting. I was pretty resistant to that ideal but she had me discuss it and knocked down most of my objections. I personally feel like cutting is nonesense for me. I hate that I keep resorting to it. It makes me feel like all the work I have done is for nought. I do know better and am not quitting hmmm, I mean I am going to continue to quit. As long as I am trying to quit I haven't totally failed.