[In_The_Darkness]

Yeah so anyway. for a while now, I have had a kind of sad feeling. But i just cut again. and that feeling went.

Wow the phsyical pain is just such a relief to me and I know it shouldnt be.

Wow, just looking at the blood trickling down my arm now - like tears just makes me feel so good. It doesnt even hurt tbh. Why is it a relief ?

Why doesnt it hurt? How can I hurt so much mentally but not at all physically ?

Why do I HAVE to see blood when I cut now? And why am I not satisfied if I dont ?

So many questions I don't want to ask my mental health nurse. Because then he knows, and he'll probably make sure that mum knows. I don't even care if I get infected now, why ?

How can I speak to people on PC but not people like my mental health nurse about this?

Is it because you know how I feel ?

Because I know you do...

I love you all.

I really do.

Thanks.

[turquoisesea]

sometimes posting onine is helpful because you dont have to look people in the face. I dont know if this is applicable to you.. sometimes it's that to talk to someone about it you have to admit it more. Typing and posting annonymously, is easier at least for me.

For me... having people I care about know about my problems is scary because I dont know how theyll react. If I can't accept something... how could I expect my any of my friends to? And their opinion means a lot.

Try to find someone you can talk to about it if you can. Talking really does help. It took me a long while to open about my problems to ANYONE... talking doesnt always help but... in the long run it's a good thing.

I hate feeling the need for physical pain. It doesnt make sense but it's that feeling of NEEDING it to happen. Just keep trying to avoid it as best you can. Don't give up. Try other types of pain that wont put lasting damage on your body.
Or, I'm not sure wha tyou're saying... can you not feel the pain? Is it more about seeing the mark on your body?

Maybe when you start to thinking of hurting yourself, find some activity to express the pain first, or at the same time? I don't know...... if i did wouldnt have troubles either but ya xD

[Rapunzel]

Something feels safer about talking to people who have some of the same feelings and experiences, and also don't really know who you are, doesn't it?

And the combination of chemicals that your body releases which are natural pain relievers (endorphins) and dissociating, or distancing yourself from your body and reality can make it possible not to feel.

Sometimes that's what it's all about - just not feeling, and distancing from the problems. But all of that is avoidance, and while it can get you through right now (that's why we do it), it never solves anything. You don't really learn how to talk to a real person and build trust and relationships, and you don't learn how to do something about your problems. They don't get better and might get worse, and you have fewer real life resources.

Mental health professionals keep confidentiality if possible. If you are a minor, you might want to ask him about what kinds of things he has to tell your mum. Then you can decide if you feel safe enough to tell him enough for him to be able to help you to really cope and have the kind of relationships you want and need IRL, and for the stuff that's bothering you to start getting fixed.

Good luck and please let us know how it goes!

[x_BabyG_x]

Yeah, I think its because you cant really know what someone is talking about unless they have experienced it themselves.

I feel the same about this, although Im trying to recover from it. Im trying to see it as a 'memory' now, but who knows. Im trying. But you can see how hard it is not to give that up

tc mikky - lv babyg xXx

[In_The_Darkness]

I don't really get any satisfaction until I see that blood. SO i dont think it is for the physical pain. I dunno, it's confusing. I spoke to my MH Nurse about it and he told me to use a red marker. Didn't work unfortunately. Im feeling happy today though, so YEY.

[turquoisesea]

glad you're feeling better

maybe use the happy time to have some breathing space from it all.
I hope if the urge comes again you can find a way to stop... It's always feeding on itself if it continues

((mikkyhill))

good luck ^_^