[gothham]

Hi Everybody. I have been out of rehab for four days now and have been SI free for eight days. It has been really hard though as I am still having urges and it is getting difficult not to act on them. I think the main reason I'm not SI-ing is that I don't want to disappoint those around me--especially my therapist and doctor. They have been very patient and are working hard with me to overcome SI. I know that I need to do it for myself, but I'm not really at that point. My fear is that if (or most likely when) I give in is that I will do so in a manner that is out of control with many regrets. This is not as a retaliatory action, but rather because of the abstinence and that once I make that first cut I will feel like a failure for having relapsed and letting others down. Anybody have any ideas about this or experienced something similar? Suggestions? Thanks for "listening".

[Sanguis]

Hi.
I SI as well, and I have relapsed as well. I had let people down when I did that. The thing to remember is, even if you do end up hurting yourself, it was only a slip, you don't have to fall back into hurting yourself.
Maybe you could try playing a game, or playing with a pet, or talking to someone or do something that will keep you from hurting yourself?
I hope that this helped, and I've been almost in the same boat as you have, so if you need someone to talk to, you can talk to me.

[gothham]

Hi Sanguis, thanks for the speedy reply. I do use my dog as a source of distraction, but I found in the past that it only delayed my acting on the urges. What has helped since rehab is that I have not really been left to myself since getting out. Mondays have been real tough on me as my boyfriend leaves for the week for work. So I'm pretty much left to myself until Saturday. I get stressed and feeling low on account of this which causes one thing to lead to another. This week will be a real test for me and I'm afraid most difficult at that. I have tried many alternatives, but the relief just isn't there.

[Sanguis]

I'm sorry that you've tried alternatives and they haven't worked well. They don't work well for me either, but they do work for some. I know that it's hard to get through the urges, they tend to stay on your mind for what seems like forever.
All I can say now is try your hardest not to give in. Remember though, even if you hurt yourself, it doesn't have to be the start of you hurting yourself again and again, people have slip ups.
Good luck to you this week.

[gothham]

Thanks so much. I hope that you are coping and managing well. I read your profile, and though I don't know you or much about you, my heart goes out to you. You are at that tender young age that you should be enjoying yourself and not having to deal with such turmoil in your life. I was just a bit younger than yourself when I began to cut. The reasons, though many still not resolved, were numerous. One of which seemed to tip the scale out of balance and still triggers me even today. I don't know how long you have been cutting, but take it from me - if there is ANYTHING you can utilize instead, please do. I don't have any answers as I 've struggled with it every day for 30+ years now and I don't know how else to really cope. Please try not to fall into the vicious cycle I did so that you're never able to find your way back. Looking back I remember how much I missed out on because of all my secrecy with my thoughts and actions - all the isolation. And yet, I seemed perfectly "normal" to most anybody else. If you ever need to talk, I will be here for you.

[Sanguis]

Thanks for sharing that with me.
I've been harming myself for a few years now and have tried hard to stop many times before. Right now I think it's been three weeks without it and it drives me insane. I really do want to stop doing it and hopefully soon I will.
Thank you for saying that you're here to talk, I may take you up on that soon. I'm here if you need to talk too : ]