I am really bad at identifying my emotions. T thinks I have a lot of anger - both from things that were done to me in the past, and things in my current life situation right now. I don't DO anger. I don't GET angry. I keep telling him that - but I know that he believes that the swirl of "BAD" that I feel is really not anxiety, or stress, or whatever. It's anger.

When I have that bad, stressed (whatever) feeling, is when I want to cut. Or turn to one of my other bad coping mechanisms.

Today - I realize I AM angry. I'm really angry. A few things have happened in the pas 24 hours that have just pissed me off. I recognize this feeling - it IS the bad feeling that usually makes me cut - but now I think I know what it is. So, in a way that seems like progress. But on the other hand - what do I do now?

I want to cut. I want to, want to, want to. I know it will make this feeling go away. But even I get it - why do I want to cut myself, if I'm angry at other people? I can see that it makes no sense.

I don't know what to do instead. I e-mailed T, and called him, and asked for some sort of response, even though I don't usually ask for a response on the weekend. I'm typing this. I'm cleaning the house for my youngest son's birthday party this afternoon. I tried hitting the heavy bag in the basement, but I really hurt my wrist, so now that's out.

What can I DO instead of cutting? Do I just have to ride this feeling out?

[Typo]

(((((((((Earthmama)))))))))

Anger is a really hard emotion to relase.
Have you tried screaming into a pillow or just getting out of the house and going for a walk? Is there anyone that you can talk about your anger with or about what made you angry? Rember to take gentle care of yourself hun, and if you want to talk feel free to pm me okay? I am here for you and I care.


Silver

[bipolar_bear]

Anger can be such a strong emotion. Sometimes wanting to cut is to help alleviate emotion. But it in itself then causes more emotions to surface. So, it can become a vicisous cycle. Journaling, walking are two ways I have used when I start to feel overwhelmed. Maybe cleaning will help too. I am sorry that it is coming up right now.

BB

[darkrunner]

((((((earthmama))))))

good for you for this progress and gaining insight into your emotions....what a huge accomplishment.

strenuous physical activity always helps me release anger - usually running or kickboxing. If the heavy bag hurt your hand could you try punching a couch or pillow? And maybe pick up a pair of boxing gloves for next time you need them.....

I don't know if this will help you, but something that works for me sometimes is more meditative: Sit quietly and take in deep breaths through your nose, and exhale through your mouth On the inhale imagine peace and comfort entering your heart and soul, and on the exhale visualize all the anger or negativity leaving you.

You are strong - you can do this! I hope your T gets back to you soon..... hang in there,
ktgirl

((((((((((((((( silversparrow ))))))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((((((( bb ))))))))))))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((((ktgirl ))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Thanks for responding. I'm still trying.

[x_BabyG_x]

You know what helps me hun? Getting a thick block of paper and scribble on it as hard as I can until it actually physically exhausts me... Then I get tired after that and I find I feel better for it

hope u feel better soon - babyg - x

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( earthmama )))))))))))))))

[bchlyn]

i have a hard time with anger too... i wish i had an answer for you... i just wanted you to know that you are heard ... and i understand... take gentle care...lyn

[Sannah]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
earthmama said:

why do I want to cut myself, if I'm angry at other people? I can see that it makes no sense.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

The way that I understand it is you want to cut because you cannot release or process these very strong emotions. The cutting gives release to this.

I am glad that you have identified your anger. This is the first step in this process. I am sure that your therapist is very capable of moving your through all this.