Wow, I really REALLY want to cut right now. I don't know what is stopping me - I don't exactly have a streak of "SI FREE DAYS" going on or anything.

I don't know if I'm supposed to call T or not. I don't want to bother him.

I need something. I don't know what it is.

Replying to my own thread.

It feels really weird that this has been up for 30 minutes and there haven't even been any VIEWS, even though there have been people on the board the whole time.

Definitely makes me feel "invisible".

I called T, but only have between now and 5:30 available to talk, so I have a feeling I won't hear back from him because he probably has clients.

It stinks to reach out to two separate places for support and to find....nothing.

[Lenny]

earthmama..

Sorry, just got on..I know you don't want to hear excuses but sometimes folks are away from their computer or are busy on something else or simply don't know what to say...

But your right,,if your "needing" a reply,,it is hard waiting for one...

Try concentraing on what is stopping you rather that the building compulsion to act upon it... There is a positive strength there..

You know the shame you will feel even while you SI...and it will feed the need to do it again...

But the strength to push past the pain your feeling will also feed the future strength to resist..

I hope you find some peace in resisting...it is a wonderful result...

We are here,,even when it seems we're not...

Lenny

(((((((((((((((((( Lenny ))))))))))))))))))))))))

Yes, I know the most likely reasons there haven't been views/replies. I guess I was just feeling sorry for myself....and feeling like I don't have a very good plan in place for when I need support sooner rather than later.

T hasn't called, which means he won't call today (I told him only to call if he could call before 5:30 and it's 5:20 right now - so he must have a 5:00 client).

Thanks for replying....it meant a lot to log on and find that someone had replied.

I'm really not sure what to do next.

[darkrunner]

(((((earthmama)))))
I don't have any wise words. I'm sorry. I was feeling the same way last night and didn't do it. I'm trying to figure out why I didn't but I can't come up with any words to explain it -- sometimes it seems so random - why sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. Like there is no rhyme or reason.
Try to get busy if you can....doing something with your hands like sewing, coloring, painting, gardening, cooking. Maybe that will help. You can do this.
sending lots of
kt

[bchlyn]

((((earthmama))))

[xylia]

((((((((((earthmama)))))))))))

I understand how hard it is to resist those urges.

[x_BabyG_x]

Hey hun... Im really sorry I wasnt here for you, I was meant to be on holiday then ended up in hospital instead so trying to catch up with everything!

I hope you managed to resist your urges, when and if you ever get like that again try and write your feelings down and you may find out what that 'something' was you felt you needed.

Hope ur feeling better - meggs x

[Kiya]

Oh hope you're ok babyg!!!!

Earthmama - how are you doing now?

[bchlyn]

thinking about you today... lyn

I'm doing okay - thanks to those who asked.

The day I posted this thread was a bad, bad day - and led to a big rupture with T. But T and I are in the process of repairing the rupture, and I'm just trying to make it through each moment...

Hugs to ALL of us who are struggling.