Why?

I have this overwhelming urge to SI tonight. I keep crying and crying, and all because of a simple arguement. It sounds so stupid.

I had an arguement with my grandma, and I feel guilty and hurt now. She called me a liar and said she didn't appreciate me trying to put one over on her. We yelled at each other a bit, and then she said, lets just move on. I wasn't angry, just feeling confused.

I'm reminded of when my parents used to call me fat and lazy and stupid. Told me I'd never get anywhere in life. Of the time when they threw me out. The way they always seemed angry with me. The way they took my secrets and made them public. Being ostracized and shunned by other children. This was all when I was younger, but it's still hard to think about.

Sorry for rambling, just hurting.

Thank-you.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((( xylia )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Thank-you.

(((((((((((((((((((((((xylia)))))))))))))))))))))

BB

I hope that you feel better really soon.

Maybe try to keep yourself busy somehow to keep from hurting yourself.
Or if you need to talk to someone, even though you don't know me, feel free to send me a PM anytime.

: ]

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xylia said:
I had an arguement with my grandma, and

I feel guilty and hurt now.

I wasn't angry, just feeling confused.

I'm reminded of when my parents used to call me fat and lazy and stupid. Told me I'd never get anywhere in life. Of the time when they threw me out. The way they always seemed angry with me. The way they took my secrets and made them public. Being ostracized and shunned by other children.

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Hi xylia, do you think that you wanted to cut because you felt guilty and hurt and didn't know how to deal with that except by cutting?

Sometimes a person won't "allow" themselves to feel angry but they are and they just keep it pushed down? Do you think that you might do that?

I am sorry about what happened to you in the past. That sounds very painful.....