[Typo]

I'm drowing.....
I'm so just...it changes in a second, I'm angry, I don't know, I keep losing little bits of time...when did I take a shower??? I can't keep grounded. Switch bakc andforth.
I went to the doctor the other day...felt like I was going to pass out everytime they opened the door to call out names. Saw nures pracitner, she rushed through the appointment, treated me like I was in her way, I didn't know how to communicate what I needed, I just sat there wrning my hands, she asked anxiety and depression, which is worse? Ummm Ihave to choose? I went with anxiety, it was like she was talking underwater I didn't understand the questions, I couldn't stay focused. I stayed up all night thinking about the doctor's appointment and how I felt like a faliure afterwards, dumb me that couldn't communicate. Just felt angry all night, kept fading out...woke up in diffrent pajamas. I messed up and self injured, I have a scar on my arm and I wanted so bad to just tear it open. I hate me so much today, I feel like throwing myself on the floor, and screaming, my throat is so tight, like I'm choking...I want to cry but I can't, I just can't...stupid stupid stupid stupid messed up me...GRRRRRRRR!!!!
I just want to hurt, to understand, pain is all I understand sometimes............I feel like quiting everything and just hiding under the covers..
I'm so confused, angry, hurting, scared, little pieces of time missing..where do they go..................................:Bawling::Noooo::Argh::Sob::icon_frown:

[bchlyn]

Originally Posted by Silversparrow

I'm drowing.....
I'm so just...it changes in a second, I'm angry, I don't know, I keep losing little bits of time...when did I take a shower??? I can't keep grounded. Switch bakc andforth.
I went to the doctor the other day...felt like I was going to pass out everytime they opened the door to call out names. Saw nures pracitner, she rushed through the appointment, treated me like I was in her way, I didn't know how to communicate what I needed, I just sat there wrning my hands, she asked anxiety and depression, which is worse? Ummm Ihave to choose? I went with anxiety, it was like she was talking underwater I didn't understand the questions, I couldn't stay focused. I stayed up all night thinking about the doctor's appointment and how I felt like a faliure afterwards, dumb me that couldn't communicate. Just felt angry all night, kept fading out...woke up in diffrent pajamas. I messed up and self injured, I have a scar on my arm and I wanted so bad to just tear it open. I hate me so much today, I feel like throwing myself on the floor, and screaming, my throat is so tight, like I'm choking...I want to cry but I can't, I just can't...stupid stupid stupid stupid messed up me...GRRRRRRRR!!!!


I just want to hurt, to understand, pain is all I understand sometimes............I feel like quiting everything and just hiding under the covers..
I'm so confused, angry, hurting, scared, little pieces of time missing..where do they go..................................:Bawling::Noooo::Argh::Sob::icon_frown:

((((((silversparrow))))))) that happens to me at the doctor too... i go i thinking i am going to say xyz and end up saying abc... and after i am so upset with myself... please be kind to yourself... it sounds like the np didn't give you the attention that she should have given... and i agree with you i am not sure why she wanted you to pick... grrrrrrr.... i am sorry that you were so upset that you took it out on yourself... lyn

(((((((((((((((((((( silversparrow )))))))))))))))))))))))

I can totally feel how terrible you are feeling when I read your post. I'm so sorry.

It's scary and confusing to lose time, to fade in and out of being "here". I know. Sometimes if I can just accept it, it's a little better. Easier said than done, though, I know.

Can you slow down and take a deep breath? I was almost holding my breath reading your post. When I feel that horrible tension, panic, anger, switchiness (new word!), pain....T has me slow down and take deep, slow breaths. It does help. And going outside helps me. Going outside, and breathing in some fresh air.

And then come back here and talk to us some more.

((((((((((((((((((((((((silversparrow))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( silversparrow ))))))))))))))))

[bipolar_bear]

((((((((((((((((((((((Silversparrow))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry that you had such a hard time at the Dr's. It can be so hard there and I can understand how it happened. Please be kind to yourself.

BB

[purplebutterfly]

((((((((Silver))))))))))))

I am sorry you are hurting so bad, remember everyone here at PC are here to help you through this bad time.

[Sannah]

I am sorry Silver. It's okay to not be at the top of your game okay? We all have bad days......

[Typo]

Thank you everyone, I'm sorry it took me so long to reply. It just hasn't been a good few days for me. I feel so stressed, I 'm getting really confused about things. I wasn't happy about the doctor's visit either, I thought I was actually seeing the doctor, he's actually a really good doctor. I'm going to tell T about how doctor's visit went and I don't think she will be to happy about it either. Thank you all so much, ti realy helps seeing such kind words... I just can't get over this low.
Trying to be good, it's just so hard....