I have the power *trigger* (Read with Caution--Strong images)

I have the power to destroy myself, destroy my body. I have the power to drive the knife so deep that the pain pours from my inner soul. I have the key to bring out what kills inside. So if I bring it out does it make it better?

I have the power to end the pain. I have the power to ease this troubled mind. I have the key to my own forgivness, shall I use it? So if I forgive myself, does it get better?

I have the power to stop the insanity. I have the power to drain this black disgusting blood that rushes through my body. I hold the key to the unanswered questions that grasp this monster inside. So if I win, do I really win?

So who is winning in the end. Me or the monster that is choking me. Is it the monster that proves my shame when it tightens its grip. The monster that shows itself in the mirror that I despise? Is it me that I hate or is it the monster that I can't beat. So I have this power to make my plans. My plans to take the knife and finish off what I started years ago. My plans to leave with this monster so it can't win anymore.

I have the power to stop the monster. I have the power to give in to the monster. I hold the key to wellness. I hold the key to death. Which key is it. I see so many I feel weighed down. Fumbling with the metal, trying to desperately search for the right one. They all look and feel the same. Which one is it? Which one ends up with the power? So do I go or do I stay? Do I fumble for the rest of my life searching for the magical key or do I give into to the one that has deceit burned into to its metal?

Where does the questions end and the answers start to become clear? When does the guilt, the pain, the pure sadness shed some light, the deep dark world of this person who can't find the exit to the path she is on? Is December my end to a wrongful beginning? My creation that was not meant to be. The missing soul who has not yet found what it takes to just be a whole. Where is the spirit, the mind, the body, the entire "being"? I can't find all of her. So is December my end to a wrongful beginning that was created 29 years ago.

I have the power.... I hold the key...

Justy

please be careful*hugs*

Yes, you have the power. Power can be used in many ways. The power of electricity for instance lights our homes and brings people back when their hearts stops. It is also used to kill people. I feel it is our responsibility to use the power we have within ourselves for making life better. You can do this. Sometimes the pain makes us forget that life can be good. Please try to remember. Please take care of yourself. Please ask someone to help you figure out which key is the right one to use. You don't have to figure it out on your own.
With light and love,
Carrie

Just feeling so lost right now. I know how powerful this post is and maybe should be deleted. I vented a little too much.

Who do I talk to though?? My t is leaving for 2 weeks. My doctor is gone till January 9th.

I do have the power to make it better, this I know. How do u take the power and put it forth to where it needs to be? I know u can't answer this, like I say, feeling so lost.

My mind and thoughts seem to be banging into each other. I can't fit it all together. Just don't know....

Thanks for responding ((SpazKatt, Zenobia)).

Justy

Stay safe Justy, i don't have any words, but you are in my thoughts.

((((((((Justy))))))))

Thanks jetblackaura. Trying to stay safe or should I say struggling to keep safe.

I am slowly letting go of the little grip on life I did have. Just slipping....... down further.......

Really don't know what to say anymore. I am actually lost for words--- now thats a shocker!!!!!

Justy