check biting/chewing - poss. trig.

I've been at it again.... tuesday i chewed up one side in my new group therapy. that just healed and now today i've chewed up the other side *thinking* about going back to group therapy in 2 days.
Meanwhile I've got a mouthful of bl**d and am again cursing myself and this behaviour.
I have noticed that behavoiurs with me seem to cycle (though I cannot see the pattern) between this, chewing hands and fingers, drinking alcohol/binging on chocolate/food, and actual cutting.

why??

Kiya, I'm sorry. Do you think that you do it because you are stressed at these times?

yep - stress is a big factor. today is my abuser's b-day.... i've only not been talking to him for 2 years. not sure what my role is; ignore, send a card....

You have a thought to send him a card or something?

i did finally send an email - out of guilt. he of course responded with "miss you, love," all that fake crud. and i cried cuz i feel like I'M the bad one. Grrrrrrrrr.
I can barely eat due to my mouth being all bit up... but he doesn't have to pay for what he's done.

kiya...my t is big on making graphs and charts... they have helped me figure things out... you can use word or just do it freehand... he had me chart my cycle and we worked on if for a month or so...lyn

(((((((((((Kiya)))))))))))))) I can understand switching between addictive or destructive activities... I do the same thing, anything to hurt myself sometimes because sometimes that's what I feel I deserve. (Although it isn't true, nobody deserves to be hurt!)

Sorry about the triggers and "anniversary".

(((((((((Lyn, Christina))))))))))))
and now we've cycled into drinking to numb. *sigh*
I think t has tried - she LOVES patterns, as does MD... i seem to be the only one who doesn't see them. I think they both get frustrated with me when I can't make one out. I try tho. I do.

((((((((((((Kiya))))))))))))) I know you try. It's hard sometimes. I know the cycle too well myself. It's a hard pattern to break.

Kiya, why did you think that you had to send a birthday greeting to your abuser?

kiya... i know how hard it is to see the patterns... i think that's why he has me do it myself... he will start it and give me an idea of where he wants me to start... then i work on it and he refines it... sometimes it takes me several tries before i can see what he is getting at...i might be able to find one of mine if you would like to see it... lyn

yeah - ok. this is just such a foreign concept to my mind right now that I cannot even understand. thanks, lyn.