pain so bad -trigger, trigger,

TRIGGER TRIGGER TRIGGER PLEASE BE CAREFUL

This is not a place that l ususally post as the shame that l feel from cutting prevents me from doingalthough lhave made some comments but then l run and hide. l have spoken with quite a few people who all say to try to post here so here l am trying to control this brewing panic attack while typing this. Its hard so hard to admit and the shame and disgust l feelis eating away inside of me.
Each time l think ok l will cut no more it is there driving me look for new ways to deal---they not work----l tryied so hard l failed again
Triggered bad yesterday again and once more cut and cut and cut and now so sore so much shame so much disgust so much regret why l not tronger why cant l do this simple thing
Flashbacks are bad right now cus stress levels through roof and yet still l cant not cut.....
Trigger.......Flashbacks.......Cut.........Shame.........Disgust.......Flashbacks

when does it stop how it stop how can l not be so weak how l get strong
lned to be gud l know l shud but it be so hadr to be gud . plese not be mad know l am bda bad bad l tyr be gud.......lgotta go i sorry so sorry

Oh sweety, cutting doesn't make you bad or weak. It hurts. It gets to the point where it is an addictive, unhealthy coping mechanism; which means you need to develop new, healthier ones--it doesn't mean you are bad or stupid or weak. You are doing right by posting when you feel like that. If the urge is there to do something physical, snap a pencil in half, twist a paperclip, scribble on paper, get a soft ball (like Koosh) and throw it against the wall, weed a garden. I'm sure you've heard these all before, I just wanted to reinforce to you that you are in the learning stage of finding new coping mechanism--it's called "learning" for a reason: you don't know it yet, you have to teach yourself to do these things. No one expects perfection--you shouldn't either. Many safe and gentle hugs to you

Silent, I am sorry that you have so much shame. Shame is a huge burden to carry and I think that it gets in the way of getting better. Shame doesn't help you be gentle with yourself, it makes you hate yourself. Shame doesn't help you look at what it going on, it makes you run. To get better you need to love yourself and be able to look at what is going on, not run from it. I don't think that you are bad because you hurt yourself. I see you as someone who is really hurting and can't see any other way of feeling better.

I have to let u know what my T said to me. I have strong feelings of hurting myself around a certian memory. She told me sometimes when things are so out of our control and we have no power hurting ourself is the only thing we have left or so we think. Hurting yourself is the way you feel like u have power back. Im not sure its true bit thats what she says and she isnt so bad.

Hey every human copes with life's upand downs. We bpd people learned some bad coping skills. That doesn't make us good or bad. Just grew up in @ell. It is not your fought or my faught that we were abused. I too feel that way after I cut, but I really try to put the blame where it belongs. I have found one thing that helps me not cut, I go to the local libary. You can be alone, but people around. You may not cut then.

(((((((((((Silent)))))))))))))
my t also says "you do what you gotta do". she'd much prefer that I don't, but she has no judgements on it or me. and by following her lead, i am learning to have less judgements on myself and the action as well - and finding that i am doing it less.
no shame.
do the best you can, and do what you need to.
k?

((((((((((((((((((((kiya))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Thank you so much for your words

"do what you gotta do"
"no judgements"
"the best you canand do what you need"
"Less judgements on self"""

(((((((((((((((((((sas)))))))))))))))))))))))

The shame you are feeling is not yours to own .... it belongs to the people who have hurt you .... I hope in time, like us who are healing too, you will recgnise this and leave the shame to those who own it ....

know we love you, understand and are here for you ..... lots oflove, Kerry xoxoxoxoxox

huge hugs, care and lots of love .... my friend,