Crying (MAJOR triggers)

I sit here crying and it feels like the only thing I can ever trust is pain,
when I hurt, I am okay

the pain is always the same, it never changes, it never goes away,
I chose to do ti, I am in control, and it is relief, to watch the blood
to stare at the scars, to see the cuts, and I carry them around and when I look at them I smile, because I know that those cuts those marks, they are the only freinds i have

I am hugtritng so much, we are all hurting, even Pip...the big strong protecter, he is hurting adn can't protect us,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

in the end I am alll alone, and alone hurts,,,,,,,,,,,
and the memories keep coming, and i can feel it, and it makes me want to cut deeper ot draw more blodd, because maybe if I did more harm to hte bodyand punish it ofr rembering that it will stop, and we will all learn to bury the past , and pertened it nver vere happened, no mor emo

so tired.........so tiefd.........whyu does everyoen leave....why does everyone hrut su,.....why are we no more than an objetc?

WHY WHY WHY WHY WWHY???????????????????????????????????????????????

SO MUCH HRUTING WHY?????

WHY CAN'T MY LOFE BE A LIE LIKE BEFORE
LIE=LIFE...NO MORE HURT

I cry and cry...................i keep rembering more an more.......no more memoreis.......I jsut watn to foucs on the pain...we all do.............................................

so tired, we so tired, of trying, just to be hurt and used, and abandond over and over, keep isloating, distancing ourselves from others

hurt hurt hurt...that is all we want

crying crying.........

(((((((((((((((((silversparrow)))))))))))))))))))

I hear you Silver - I hear your pain.

Please don't hurt yourself. You have been hurt enough.
You do not deserve to be hurt ANYMORE.
With care and concern,
ktgirl

i am listening. i am sorry that you have been hurt and used by people who should have been good to you. i wish i had words that would put something good and strong and safe back inside of you.

this pain seems like a good thing because it is something YOU can control. but you deserve something better than pain.

i have been there, i have cut. i do not cut now. i am finding a way out. bit by little bit i am healing and getting better and safer. i am not any different from you. healing is possible.healing is possible for you too.

i care, i am sorry you hurt today and feel all alone. i hurt today and i feel all alone with a spouse not 4 feet away. but, i will be ok today and i will not control my pain with more pain. i will take better care of myself today and i will say a prayer for you and all my friends here who hurt today. you are not all alone i am here with you and for you. IU

i'm here,

leslie and pixies

Silver, you are safe now. You have been safe for years. No one is hurting you anymore. Hurting yourself will not stop the memories. Therapy will help you process the memories so that then you will be able to put them behind you.

It is hard, to realize, that the pain, is not deserved, it is hard, to realize we are not bad, the urge is abd now, because we just got out of criminal justice class, and we talked about abuse, and abuse psychoology, and it brings back memories, and guilt

we so confused, but Pip is feeling better, he kept us from harming body last night...we stayeded on chat with someone tills we where safe

just hurts, but me and Fernfox we are learing that hurting body is bad

danks you everyones, for being so kinds, it helps, it reminds us that we not all bad

hugs for everyones.

(((((((((((((silver)))))))))))))))))

You are doing it.....keep reaching out for help, keep letting us remind you that you are not bad, and you don't deserve anymore pain.
And little by little, when you aren't even looking for it....
healing and peace will come.

safe if you want them,
ktgirl

((((sparrow))))
I hate to see you in so much pain.

((((((((Silversparrow)))))))))

I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I can relate to SO much of what you described. I'm not sure what to tell you... but i'm here if you want to talk ever.

Feeling better, but i have noticed something really bizarre, the urges are worse, when mood is better, like want to hurt body more the happier we are.
yes it sounds horrible, and sick and twisted, but it be true. it's like punishment, soo odd

Silver, so you don't think that you deserve to be happy? You still think that you need to be punished?