[purplebutterfly]

The urges are coming fast......I have my supplies on hand and ready to just get the go ahead from my mind to cut. i hate this feeling- i have no where else to turn for comfort from the pain im feeling

[cantstopcrying]

Put them back where they belong...in the drawer, locked away. Let the pain be released with your tears, not your blood. Put them down and walk away. Get up, go walk, even if it's just to the bathroom. Walk away from them.

[Miracle1986]

*offers butterfly safe cuddles*
PLEASE walk away...
just cry, or scream, or keep talking to us.

[purplebutterfly]

i put my head down on my desk then i got the urge to just bang it really hard, before i was able to pick my head up i got a phone call from a friend wondering why i haven't responded to her liurgent email about her relationship crisis of the day i said hello yea i got it and sorry for not responding and that i gotta go and -why do i do this why did i not tell her the real reasons im not okay and that i want to cut, not like she would understand- no one knows that i cut and now im crying and i hate myself for what i am about to do

[cantstopcrying]

Reach down deep for that inner strength we know is there. You got that phone call for a reason. Go ahead and call her back. You don't have to tell her you are cutting. Tell her you are really stressed and listen to her. She's reaching out to you--not only for herself, but I believe she was meant to reach out to you at that moment for you. Lock them away and walk away. Come back and call her. It will help you.

[purplebutterfly]

the thing is i have tried in the past to talk to her about it and all she wants to do is talk about her relationship of the day week or month- then when shes done she says ok well bye ttyl....she just did this to me the other day when i was trying to talk about how depressed i am but no one cares and so im just better off cutting and holding it all in sorry im a disappointment to everyone - i cant do it and my appt with t is in a few min which im about to blow off why am i like this why why why

[cantstopcrying]

Well you're right--you don't need that in your life right now but you DO need your t. No blowing him off!! Go. Just remember you can just sit there if you want. No one can make you talk if it's something you don't want to talk about. GO! (You can even pass go, but I don't have $200 to offer you!) You've got nothing to lose by going.

[silver_moon]

Hoping you went to see your T (((((((purple)))))))) and hoping you kept yourself safe
Take care
Molly

[I_miss_my_kitty]

(((((purple)))))

I'm sorry you're hurting so much, but please know that you don't deserve any more pain, you've been through to much to want to cause more pain. try to take it one minute or one sec at a time. you can do it. hope you're doing well and can overcome those urges. take care.

[purplebutterfly]

thanks for everyones support however i failed again like i do everyday- maybe i should just stop posting in here cuz its a everyday occurrence lately- sorry for my negitivity

[cantstopcrying]

Oh Grand Member purplebutterfly! (I just saw that you are now a grand member!) You cut. That's your coping mechanism. You are missing the important thing: you want to stop. Wanting to stop is not failing. Little babes want to walk, too--but they can't at first. They fall. A lot. That word was fall, not fail. After falling, getting bumped and bruised and hurt and crying, eventually they will take that first step. But even after that first step, they don't take off walking everywhere all the time. They still crawl. That doesn't mean they failed at walking, it means they need a rest or they can get where they want to go quicker by crawling. But eventually, they do walk. And the funny thing is, as parents, we usually end up telling them to "come back here" or to sit down once in a while. We try to stop what they have struggled to learn. It's exactly like that as adults too--only not with walking. With LIFE. You try. You try not to cut. You try not to cry. You fall--not fail. You get back up. Just as a babe learning to walk, you have to hold on to someone or something. You try again. You may go weeks without falling, you may go hours. But eventually, you will not fall. Doesn't mean you still won't run into a door once in a while, but you won't fall. Eventually. It takes time to learn. Let us support you. Like the babe learning to walk, you have to believe in yourself. You have to believe that no matter how much you fall, it's worth it to get back up. Because it is.

[purplebutterfly]

Thanks((((((cantstopcrying)))))) for your kind words. im just not feeling like im worth even kind words today- im hurting and feeling like im a failure everyday at everything i do or say- i want to just give up and i feel the need to cut -meds are killing me with all the jitterness and ups and downs and i just want to scream in one breath and cry in another- im useless to PC- all i do is ask for support but i never give any and well maybe im not worth of the support today..im venting im crying and im hurting today. maybe i need more rest or need to just call t- but i feel like he is not listening to me to my feelings he only sees things written in a medical book not how they are in my realiaty