[jacq10]

but I just did....

I don't know why I did it. I can't even feel it. I don't especially care that I did either. I don't feel anything right now. I don't care that i did, i don't feel guilty that i did, and i'm not even really upset. I just saw it... and went for it.

I don't know why I did...

Does anyone know why I did?

[bipolar_bear]

Sometimes people cut because they are not feeling anything. Just shut down. Could that be why you did? That can be so hard. Know I am here and I care. Please try and stay safe.

BB

[Christina86]

((((((((((Jacq)))))))))))) I'd agree with BB here.

What about some other questions: Did you feel anything during? Are you stressed out now about anything, however small? Have you feel this non-emotion (apathy) for very long recently?

If you want to talk, send me a PM ok?

[Kiya]

(((((((((Jacq)))))))))))
i'm here too if you need

[jacq10]

Thanks for responding everyone...

I'm really not sure that I cut because I didn't feel anything. Its true that I've been feeling a lot of pent up emotions lately and haven't been able to express them.... maybe thats why I did it? But I still didn't really express much anyhow because I nearly didn't react to what I did

And Christina... I think you may be on to something. I haven't been able to express myself for a really long time. When my aunt got sick this summer I couldn't express anything really because I had to put on a strong face for the kids. now I miss her more then ever and its really hard for me to be where I am... but I haven't really cried or even gotten angry about it. To be honest... I'm not sure how i've really dealt with everything I've been feeling. Maybe that was what today is about...

Maybe I should just tell my T about it. Maybe it would help for me to actually talk when I go in, and not just talk about what we're GOING to talk about in the future.

But then again... that could be bad if I told her.

What do I do? And its bad because.... I can see it happening again. I just don't care.

Maybe this post was pointless... I'm not sure there is anything anyone can say...

i'm sorry guys. I'll end here.

[Christina86]

(((((((Jacq))))))))))))))

If you bottle, it can lead to emotions and stuff having to be expressed differently... whether that is a big blow-up (anger) or SI. I'd say it's a safe bet, that you need to find a way to deal with the emotions tied to your aunt getting sick and all that.

Tell T. It's not bad. The worst she'll try to do is make you agree to a self-harm contract, which truly isn't the end of the world.

JACQ - Snap out of it. I love you, and I care. If you can see it happening - you need to do something about it NOW rather than deal with the consequences later. Rationally, you know that.

Love you lots.

[Cthomas]

hey jac, just saw this. im here too if you need me. you are such a good person/friend.

hang in there. you know how to get me.

Colleen

[jacq10]

Thanks you guys...

And believe me, I know I need to snap out of it. This isn't like me. I just feel like $hit and I don't know what to do. I have so much due this week for my classes and I can't find the motivation to do it. I'm up endless hours of the night and... its just so not worth it right now.

And now I'm complaining so I will stop because thats not going to get me anywhere, and you guys don't need to hear it too.

Christina, how do i tell my T that I need to work on "expressing" my feelings? If I could just come out and cry that would be great... but I can't. Though I feel like it now.

[Christina86]

((((((((((Jacq)))))))))) It's perfectly valid that you're feeling like this, especially right now... lets face it, it's midterm season, the days are getting shorter and most Canadians DO suffer from at least some mild SAD (seasonal affective disorder). Go easy on yourself! You'll make it through. I believe in you, as does everyone else here.

You're allowed to complain, it lessens some of the emotional burden of carrying around all of that negative crap in your head, and in your heart... if only for a moment.

What you do is you tell your T that you think you're an "emotional bottler" and that you'd like to learn how to deal with negative emotions. If your T know anything about self-injury and other negative coping mechanisms, she SHOULD know that it's highly based on emotions! If I can be of any assistance, I can probably dig up some activities that I've done in the past on emotions and stuff so you can do some work yourself... ONCE you get through this depressive spell, and survive your midterms. You can do it. One day at a time. If you have things that need to be done, break it down into smaller pieces - if you can't work for hours, work for half an hour and take a break. Reward yourself. Try to not oversleep (that makes things worse) and try to eat at least one well-balanced meal a day. You'll make it through this.

Love ya, and always here for you if you need me.

[jacq10]

(((Christina)))

I think I will say that I need to "learn to deal with negative emotions." Thats a really good approach. I think its time for me to take a backseat in my therapy... ever since September its pretty much been me decided what "road" I want to take for my own healing... but clearly I shouldn't be making those decisions (not right now anyways) so hopefully by my letting go, I'll be able to move FORWARD instead of just pretending to

[Christina86]

(((((((((((Jacq))))))))))) Asking for help and having a little "therapist lead" therapy isn't the end of the world. Kinda sucks though if you want to talk about other things though, so just make it clear you don't want this to be the entire focal point of therapy! I've found it pretty helpful. If I was more consistent in attending therapy, it would also help.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( jacq ))))))))))))))))