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  #1  
Old Oct 28, 2008, 08:59 AM
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purplebutterfly purplebutterfly is offline
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IM DONE!!! I ran three miles yesterday trying to make the thoughts go but it didnt work!
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Since you ask, most days I cannot remember.
I walk in my clothing, unmarked by that voyage.
Then the almost unnameable lust returns.
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  #2  
Old Oct 28, 2008, 09:05 AM
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cantstopcrying cantstopcrying is offline
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You ran, but did you cut after or before? Well done on the running.
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  #3  
Old Oct 28, 2008, 09:19 AM
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purplebutterfly purplebutterfly is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cantstopcrying View Post
You ran, but did you cut after or before? Well done on the running.
the thoughts were still there and i just started bawling my eyes out and well i did do something but not worth mentioning cuz i couldnt even do that right last night
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Since you ask, most days I cannot remember.
I walk in my clothing, unmarked by that voyage.
Then the almost unnameable lust returns.
--Anne Sexton


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  #4  
Old Oct 28, 2008, 09:28 AM
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cantstopcrying cantstopcrying is offline
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Last night Be gentle with you!!!
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"We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut
Last night
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Thanks for this!
purplebutterfly
  #5  
Old Oct 28, 2008, 10:14 AM
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purplebutterfly purplebutterfly is offline
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im not strong enough !
__________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Since you ask, most days I cannot remember.
I walk in my clothing, unmarked by that voyage.
Then the almost unnameable lust returns.
--Anne Sexton


http://purplebutterfly.psychcentral.net/
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  #6  
Old Oct 28, 2008, 10:22 AM
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cantstopcrying cantstopcrying is offline
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Put on one of the girdles, take some vitamin water Last night, grab our hands Last night and we'll all get through it together.
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"We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut
Last night
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Thanks for this!
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  #7  
Old Oct 28, 2008, 11:30 AM
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purplebutterfly purplebutterfly is offline
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Nothing matters anymore!! Why does it matter if i do cut who will notice its just one more cut on a body of so many cuts- nothing is helping
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Since you ask, most days I cannot remember.
I walk in my clothing, unmarked by that voyage.
Then the almost unnameable lust returns.
--Anne Sexton


http://purplebutterfly.psychcentral.net/
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  #8  
Old Oct 28, 2008, 11:34 AM
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cantstopcrying cantstopcrying is offline
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Your children will notice. You will notice. You.......are......important. I wish I had better words for you right now (I'm struggling a bit myself right now. Come on, I just typed "I wish I had more better words..." ME--more better! good grief. I hate stress). Don't harm you.
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"We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut
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  #9  
Old Oct 28, 2008, 11:36 AM
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MINIME MINIME is offline
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Purple u matter. Im so sorry you feel so bad.
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  #10  
Old Oct 28, 2008, 01:15 PM
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purplebutterfly purplebutterfly is offline
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I hate myself for what i have done to myself!! Why did I start cutting those 20 yrs ago- sexual abuse,emotional abuse-kids teasing me family telling me i was not good for anything-depression-why me why did i let this happen to me and now i cant get these things out of my head and now my ankle is bloody and my body is has too many scars- each one tells a story of how i hurt everyday. too much to even breathe.
__________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Since you ask, most days I cannot remember.
I walk in my clothing, unmarked by that voyage.
Then the almost unnameable lust returns.
--Anne Sexton


http://purplebutterfly.psychcentral.net/
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  #11  
Old Oct 28, 2008, 01:24 PM
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cantstopcrying cantstopcrying is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by purplebutterfly View Post
why me why did i let this happen to me
You did not "let" any of it happen. It happened to you. You were a child, a youngster, a teen. I'm guessing you started cutting because you were never given other coping skills and though this wasn't "given" to you, you learned that if you can make your own body feel pain, you can control it. How deep, how often. I'm also guessing that the physical pain you encounter is better than the emotional. After all, put a bandaid on it and it goes away. Not so with our mind. And not so with your scars now. You're getting there--you realize cutting is hurting you more than just physically. You want to get better, so you are here, you are starting with a new t, you are willing to stumble to walk. However, you need to practice gentleness with yourself. Your physical body can take no more pain, just as your emotional body can't. Treat them both gently, my friend.
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"We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut
Last night
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  #12  
Old Oct 28, 2008, 01:29 PM
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purplebutterfly purplebutterfly is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cantstopcrying View Post
You did not "let" any of it happen. It happened to you. You were a child, a youngster, a teen. I'm guessing you started cutting because you were never given other coping skills and though this wasn't "given" to you, you learned that if you can make your own body feel pain, you can control it. How deep, how often. I'm also guessing that the physical pain you encounter is better than the emotional. After all, put a bandaid on it and it goes away. Not so with our mind. And not so with your scars now. You're getting there--you realize cutting is hurting you more than just physically. You want to get better, so you are here, you are starting with a new t, you are willing to stumble to walk. However, you need to practice gentleness with yourself. Your physical body can take no more pain, just as your emotional body can't. Treat them both gently, my friend.

Thank You (((((cantstopcrying))))) i need help, im sick
__________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Since you ask, most days I cannot remember.
I walk in my clothing, unmarked by that voyage.
Then the almost unnameable lust returns.
--Anne Sexton


http://purplebutterfly.psychcentral.net/
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  #13  
Old Oct 28, 2008, 01:30 PM
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cantstopcrying cantstopcrying is offline
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That's a great way to start out talking to your t tonight.
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"We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut
Last night
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  #14  
Old Oct 28, 2008, 01:33 PM
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silver_moon silver_moon is offline
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did you talk to your new T at all yet
((((((((purple)))))))))
I'm proud of you hunny... for running.... you tried, you thought "I don't want to feel like this and so I'm going to do something about it in a healthy way" just don't let the "not working" stop you from doing it again? the running is good for you, it will help a bit in the long run (no pun intended)... and I'm sorry you don't think it helped you mentally... but it got you out into the fresh air exercising.
Will you keep it up?
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Thanks for this!
purplebutterfly
  #15  
Old Oct 28, 2008, 01:53 PM
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purplebutterfly purplebutterfly is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silver_moon View Post
did you talk to your new T at all yet
((((((((purple)))))))))
I'm proud of you hunny... for running.... you tried, you thought "I don't want to feel like this and so I'm going to do something about it in a healthy way" just don't let the "not working" stop you from doing it again? the running is good for you, it will help a bit in the long run (no pun intended)... and I'm sorry you don't think it helped you mentally... but it got you out into the fresh air exercising.
Will you keep it up?
the only thing i keep up is the continuation of cutting - im a mess right now sorry for being so ****ing unpositive lately
__________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Since you ask, most days I cannot remember.
I walk in my clothing, unmarked by that voyage.
Then the almost unnameable lust returns.
--Anne Sexton


http://purplebutterfly.psychcentral.net/
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  #16  
Old Oct 28, 2008, 01:53 PM
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purplebutterfly purplebutterfly is offline
Poohbah
  
Member Since: Mar 2008
Location: Not sure where i live and no one cares anyway
Posts: 1,138
Quote:
Originally Posted by cantstopcrying View Post
That's a great way to start out talking to your t tonight.
yea i guess
__________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Since you ask, most days I cannot remember.
I walk in my clothing, unmarked by that voyage.
Then the almost unnameable lust returns.
--Anne Sexton


http://purplebutterfly.psychcentral.net/
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  #17  
Old Oct 28, 2008, 03:10 PM
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silver_moon silver_moon is offline
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can you try and make a schedule? can you try and fit running into your week?
we can help you if you like... try and give you the push to go and do it? and then maybe you can add other things to your schedule?
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Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
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Thanks for this!
purplebutterfly
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