[obsids]

I haven't been on PC since April. But I am in deep trouble now. I usually post in the PTSD forum, but here's what happened.

My marriage has slowly been going to hell over the past 5 years. It's only been in the last 5 weeks or so that I've been able to articulate to my husband what the problems are. Also, my 17 year old step son just moved in with us.

Well, a couple nights ago, DH got home and started talking about our issues again. Then he started in on his arguing... he's always arguing about whose fault any of this is. I triggered... I've got some major PTSD triggers. So I struggled through dinner and then took refuge in a quiet corner. Well, he came and found me and continued arguing and ranting at me, telling me how I was overreacting and on and on. It came to screaming and yelling before he finally left me alone.

And me, in the middle of a really bad triggery episode and panic attack, I pulled out my knife and regressed. I haven't cut for at least 10 years. I didn't even realize what I was doing until I had several slashes.

I feel so stupid and angry at myself. I thought I was over all this SI stuff. And I'm terrified that it will happen again. I don't know what to do.

[Sannah]

You made one slip. Go back to your SI free life. It's okay..........

[bipolar_bear]

Sometimes the feelings get so strong that we revert back to the coping skills that worked for us in the past. Maybe you can think of how you have been coping over the last ten years and when you find yourself wanting to cut think through what other alternatives you have available. I know how scary it can be to find yourself reverting back but you have learned and it has worked for 10 years. I am sorry things are so hard. I understand and try to not be so hard on yourself.

BB