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#1
Dec 29, 2008, 10:27 PM
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So... like a week or so ago Drew, my husband, walked in me when I had just finished self injuring. He wasn't happy to say the least. He took what I used downstairs to his brother and told him to keep the item out of the bathroom. Stewart (the brother) about hit the roof saying, "why? it's not like it was up for her to use!"
Drew's momma just said, "I didn't know she was still doing' that." (background info: before Drew went to Iraq he told her I struggled with it, and she told me "well if I ever find anything that I even think is evidence that you are doing it, I will tell Daddy and we will treat you like one of our own and it won't be pretty.") After that happened, (the episode a week ago) I swear, I must have spent 3 hours crumpled up in Drew's arms bawling like a baby saying, "momma is gonna be mad." (I am the type person that can't stand confrontation. It makes me feel So very small and vulnerable. I cry just thinking about it) Drew was very comforting saying, "that's when you tell her I don't need a lecture momma. I need your support." (and I was convinced momma was get me alone and lecture me) But momma has yet to say anything else to me about it. But just a few minutes ago... Stewart had the "tool" down here, and he was playing it. And I was getting triggered, and Drew could tell that I was so he asked Stewart to stop. And Stewart was like, "What the hell? Dude... it's like having a freaking two-year-old in the house. I can't leave ------ laying around... I can't leave -------- laying around. Needless to say, I completely lost it and started bawling uncontrollably and tried to run away upstairs. But Drew stopped me because he knew that if I went upstairs I was gonna find something and "do it" again. (and he would be right) He looked at Stewart and madly said, while he was holding,rocking, and trying to comfort me "Thank you so much" and Stewart replied in a oh so sarcastic way "You're welcome." ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know what to think, feel, or do. I feel so... weak, scared, mad, depressed, hurt, little, vulnerable, etc.... 
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#2
Dec 29, 2008, 10:46 PM
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 Oh manda! I am so sorry that you are still dealing with this family!! You are an adult and do not need to be treated like one of "momma's" children!! I love Drew's idea of telling her you need her support not her lecture (however, I too hate confrontation and will do a lot to avoid it). Stuart needs to have a swift kick in the pants and Drew needs a hug for supporting you (and a "what were you thinking!?" for giving the tool to his brother ). Manda, is there any any any way you can get in to talk to someone? I know money is an issue (with everyone!) but please, hon, please contact community mental health, catholic social services, reserves wives club, local priest/preacher, family doctor, someone to get you in to talk to someone. I worry so much about you and hate to see that you are not only struggling daily with cutting and worsening depression, but dealing with a family that does not understand and won't!
__________________
____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut 
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 Miracle1986
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#3
Dec 30, 2008, 10:27 AM
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Quote:
 *cries* I was really hoping all this would be over today, but no... when Drew (my husband) was getting ready for work, I was awake but still laying in the bed, and I heard Stewart *****ing to his Daddy about the incident last night. A few hours later when I got up, Stewart and Amanda (yes, Drew's sister is named Amanda too) were talking and I know they were talking about me, because while I was upstairs they were talking in normal voices, but when I opened the bed room door and went to the bathroom they got a lot quieter. And when I actually came downstairs, they looked at each other and Amanda snickered. And then momma called and we were talking, and it came up and she said, "I heard there was an incident last night with scissors." "yeah." "Amanda I have told you before, I will not put up with that." (she just made me feel about 6" tall) I completely lost it and started crying. She said, "I don't understand how anything could ever get so bad that anyone would want to cut themselves. And as far as being talked about, we are all under a lot of stress. You are in a place you don't want to be, and they don't like ya'll being here." She was quick to follow that up with, "but it's not because you are not wanted so if that's what you are thinking you can STOP IT!!! I am more than a little confused. To me, "they don't like ya'll being here." sounds a lot I am not wanted.
Last edited by Miracle1986; Dec 30, 2008 at 12:40 PM. |
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#4
Dec 30, 2008, 12:40 PM
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(((( Manda )))) I'm so sorry you are having to deal with people like that. I'm glad Drew understands and is there for you. Is there any public transportation you could take to get to someone to talk to about this? Maybe even talking to someone on the phone? I hate that your husbands family refuses to try to understand. You don't deserve that. I hope things get better.
__________________
"There are things we need to forget and forgive, Sometimes we have to try and shed the damage we don't need." Silverchair- All Across The World |
| Miracle1986
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#5
Dec 30, 2008, 01:23 PM
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This is such a horrible situation to be in!! My boyfriend's parents are quite similar, in that they'd go insane at me if I cut in their home.. I've done in before but they never knew.. And they always lecture me when they do find out I've cut.
You're not alone in this, honey.. I wish I could give you a proper cuddle! Please, try and get some help with this.. You need to.. I didn't and I soon regretted it.. Please? You are wanted, hun, by everyone here and your husband. And his family, otherwise, why would they have you there if they didn't like having you there? Silly woman. She deserves a slap. Your husband being supportive is always helpful, and I hope these things can be worked through. You take care
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| Miracle1986
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#6
Dec 30, 2008, 08:49 PM
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"Momma" said it exactly....she doesn't understand!! She....does...NOT...understand!! When she said that, a response could have been, "I know you don't understand, but you are not in my shoes, don't have my history, don't have my feelings. I know you don't want to 'tolerate' it in your house and I don't want to do it, so what I really need is your love and support. I know you think I can just stop, but I can't, and you telling me you won't tolerate it in your house and you don't understand does not make it easier." That's an ideal response, but not one that's likely to happen. What do you think about writing a letter to the family? That way you can get things out without getting upset or interrupted. I like the idea of public transportation or phone discussion. Is it possible for Drew to drop you somewhere maybe and pick you up on his lunch? I'm so glad to hear that Drew is working again. That has to be a relief! Maybe there is light to get your place in the future--maybe in the spring you'll be able to. Manda, you are so precious. Please remember that when 'momma' is using her words to cut you just as deeply as your scissors do.
__________________
____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut
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| Miracle1986
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#7
Dec 31, 2008, 04:36 PM
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(((((((((((((((((( manda )))))))))))))))))))
__________________
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| Miracle1986
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