i want to cut

i don't know what the point is of me posting this. i just am, i guess.

it's been about 2 1/2 months, and i'm craving it again.

can i just have some hugs?

(((((((((SweetCrusader))))))))))
hugs not cuts!! support not slicing!!
I have to get to bed but I'm thinking of you and hoping that you make it through tonight. Read up on those lists of things to do instead of SI.........I know those lists can be a pain but when in crisis in depression or SI having a list spelled out to turn to can be a read goddess send. I have them all over in journals, on the computer, on the bedstand, etc. Accessible when most needed.

Sorry if lame suggestions but when this tired I don't have much left in me.

I can appreciate what you're going through. I'm dealing with the same thing....wanting to cut again after what seems like an eternity of not cutting.

(((((SweetCrusader)))))

I guess we can struggle together....deal?

((((((((((((Angela))))))))))))))))

luv 'ya! Hang in there, ok?

((((((((((((SC))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((Angela))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((Lexicon))))))))))))))

Take special care of yourselves.

Sweet Angela, you are struggling toward health and safety. You are doing so well. What a brave young woman you are. No cutting, write it out, put words to it or scream it out. It is so hard but the more time between cuttings the better chances of remaining non-cutting. Hope it makes sense. You are doing good.

BIG *hugs*

Lexi, we can struggle together. And maybe help ease eachother's struggle a bit? Let's hope so. *crosses fingers for the both of us*

Thanks for the hugs, everyone.

Last night I decided to work on crafts instead of cutting. I have found that it's a productive use of the various types of blades I have. I can't throw them out yet, but if I use them on cutting leather or something, then I won't use them on my skin. That's the theory. Well one of them is a craft knife which is a razor blade sort of on a pen. Twice, I accidentally lost my grip on it. Once it poked my hand, just enough to bleed. Then I dropped it on my wrist and it made a tiny cut. That was SOOOO triggering. I couldn't stop thinking about that feeling and the blood.

But I didn't do it this time.

Bad thoughts. I can't make them go away.

I have therapy Saturday. I hope things will get better then. My fear is that they will get worse

Thanks for listening,
Angela

Angela....

I think it is great that you look to other activities when you have the urge to cut. My son was a cutter and he started taking guitar lessons. At least for him the guitar was a distraction that kpet him from cutting. You smply need to channel all that energy and all those emotions into something else.

Thinking of you hon ((((((((((((((((((((Angela))))))))))))))))))))

Having a hobby working with a razor is a bit like me trying to stay sober by keeping myself busy taking a job working in a bar. Sure, it would be fun to be around all that booze....but is it a wise, safe, choice???? Ummm. Nope.

Maybe you could try crochet?? Something with only blunt instruments using busy busy hands??

From Auntie with hugs

Emmy, I needed to use the blades. Better leather than my body, right?

(((((((((((((((((((Angela)))))))))))))))))))))))))

big squishies for you my friend. pm me if there is anything I can do for you dear girl.

Much love and soothing thoughts,
Kimberly.

Tks Kimberly. ((((((squish)))))) How are you???

I went to the store to buy more blades, and I picked them up and went up to the registers, then I turned right around and put them back, went home and called T. She can't talk right now, because she has back to back sessions until later this evening. But she asked me to draw my feelings, and I said I would, so I'm about to go try that.

Thanks everyone

hey emmy that's what I Do for a distraction I crochet! I make purses!!!

Well done SC for overcoming urge to buy the blades, that'sgreat

(((((((((((((((((((((((Angela)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm so proud of you! Good job calling your T. I hope you can draw out your feelings. I know it sure does help me. I am fine. I am doing okay, in my forced hiatus from SI. I hope it's forever, but I know I can't now, so that is helping me alot.

Take Care of yourself,
Kimberly.

{{{{{{{{Angela}}}}}}}}}}}

Good job putting the blades back, and calling T. Drawing sounds like a good idea. I wish I knew what else to say.

*gives SweetCrusader a great big hug*

Try painting. You can even paint on your body. Its fun.

like ltlredvett's son, i ay guitar, partially as a distraction, partialy cos i love playing it! i find it calming to go for a nice lomg drive too, windows down, music up! im struggling right now, but im managing. been staying with friends a lot too.

i hope your doing better, and well done for putting the blades back!

marko

Keep up the good fight angela, glad you are sharing it as much as you can. Do you have words for it? Sometimes that helps.