[Lee ann]

I was wondering. I wrote in another post how I screwed up with something Friday. I got mad at myself, but was mostly numb. I accidently sat on my nephews foot two weeks ago and I didn't comfort him when he cried. I let his father do that. I was afraid I would fall apart and never be put together again if I held him and comforted him and I didn't want to freak him out. He's only seven. I said sorry I didn't mean to but I was devastated. I never ever want to hurt anybody, it was an accident but after not comforting him, it feels like I betrayed him and did it on purpose. This is the type of person I've become. Now I'm wondering after my bender this weekend if I went too far? I have about forty something cuts on my upper arm. I've never done that many before only four at a time under my breast on my foot, and placs people can't see. Now what do I do if somebody see's this? It's not like I can say I fell. What over and over again for forty times over my excato knife? i go to the dr's a lot, I find out if I have a maglinent tumor on my pituitary gland this week, so what if they cuff me with the blood cuff thing and see this. I've screwed up and I don't know where to go from here. Do I show my therpaist my arm or not, if I do will she send me to the psych ward (at least they won't send to me to the one my dad's at hopefully). Nobody in my family will undestand, they don't know everything about me. I don't want them to know but I do want to get better. Its like leading a double life. Any suggestions. Thanks.

[Puffyprue]

if u want to get any better maybe you should talk to ur T about this and let T helps you...maybe it would be hard but it will worth
hugs for you

[phoenix7]

I told my old T when I couldnt tell anyone else and he helped me - my new T gave me some things to do instead of cutting - distraction techniques - I would tell your T - you are obviously under a lot of stress and your T can help with that.

As to your nephew - I can relate to that - my sister rang me crying and I had nothing I could give her - I tried but I wasnt the Me I used to be - and that hurt and I beat myself up about it - dont make the same mistake - things have happened to make you the way you are and you are seeing a T to get help - you can only do what you can do - tell your T about what happened and can you maybe buy your nephew a little gift to say sorry? ..... just a thought.

I hope your test comes out ok P7

[Lee ann]

I know I should tell my therapist about this stuff but I'm so used to not saying anything about things that are bothering me or stressing me out. I usually don't even say anything about anything until two weeks after the fact or a month. By then I get the feeling my therapist may think its not as important because I haven't mentioned it sooner. Its like I'm always waiting. I just don't want to be a burden to my therapist if I call sooner than my appointment date or even just be a burden.
sigh
Thanks for the advice, I'll work on it. Prob. call my therapist tommrow.

[phoenix7]

you wont be a burden to your therapist - Im sure your T would want to know about this and you deserve to get help - you deserve to be happy and to have less stress - I didnt tell my T at first because I was ashamed that I had done it and that I hadnt found a better way - that was just evading the truth - denial - Im good at that - I hope you talk to your T about it. Please take care of yuo and try to be kind to you P7

[deliquesce]

telling my pdoc was a good experience for me. he didn't find it 'burdensome' at all, and he validated it as a good method of 'coping' when things get really tough. of course, he said there are better ways of handling stress, but he just wanted to say that he could see i was trying my best up until that point.

he asked to see my cuts and stuff (he is a dr after alllol) but i said i didnt want to show him. he respected that.

telling your therapist will be a good idea, i think. as for doing the blood test thingy - just give them your other arm (this is what i always do). if your marks are on both arms, then don't stress it - they are medical professionals and will not say anything hurtful. they might ask if you are coping ok, but they won't judge you.

good luck with telling your T, and also for finding out your med results later this week.

xo deli

[Sannah]

LeAnn, with that incident you needed to take care of yourself instead of your nephew. This is okay. You can come first..........