[Crew]

I feel a bit stupid because I'm not sure if I self injure myself on purpose. I look at pictures and see how huge I am and then I dwell on it. I don't puke I just don't eat. I get so hungry and then I can remember my father telling me that I was so fat in high school that he crushed up diet pills. I was an athlete so that was a sickening feeling.

Now I use a heating pad for pain and we just want to STOP the pain and all we care about is getting through today that we don't even think about tomorrow. The back is really burnt yet we keep using it because it helps with the pain. Now our back is bloatchy and black type circles.

With being hungry we make ourself's feel the pain of hunger just to be prepared just in case we had to deal with that pain of hunger again. I don't want to sound stupid but I feel we do. I would love to cut the pain out because we feel tossed to the side by everyone except here at PC.

Were open to people's thoughts. We are 42 and should know these answers.
Help if you can or may.

[Rapunzel]

Anything that you do to cause yourself pain is potentially self-injury, especially if it damages your body in some way that is visible or lasts 15 minutes or more. It really comes down to what it means for you and how you are using the behavior. If you do it to escape from emotional pain, it very well may be self-injury.

People with eating disorders and dissociative disorders are among the groups that are likely to self-injure. They can go hand in hand.

My self-injury behaviors have included not eating because i like feeling empty/hungry, many passive methods, and also emotional self-injury (giving away animals or things that I loved, because I wanted to hurt myself or felt that I should hurt).

A bigger question is what are you willing to do about it? Are you getting help to work through the feelings and the stuff from your past that makes you want to hurt yourself?

[silver_queen]

Age doesn't mean wisdom

I think the eating thing sounds like an eating disorder. It can be a form of SI.

Not sure about the marks on the back, have you had a dr or somebody else check them? Don't like the sound of the blackness.



Sorry about the short reply.

((((((((( crew ))))))))))

[phoenix7]

the marks on your back - it would be good to let your dr see them - just to make sure they are ok -

you say it would be good to cut the pain out - unfortuantely you cant - are you seeing a therapist? they can help you to deal with the pain if its emotional pain - if its physical pain please discuss it with your dr - there are lots of different pain meds and some work better than others - if yours are not working - time for a change maybe.

Take care and I hope things improve for you soon. P7

[Crew]

Just wanted to say thank you for answering my question and yes I see a T so that is good. oh, I like your picture or avatar it's cool1

[phoenix7]

Speaking of avatars I love your polar bear! its keeping its head down cos maybe its tired but it keeps on moving! thats stick-at-it-ness - yep I know not a real word but hey! take care P7

p.s, am glad you are seeing a T - hope you discuss this with your T

[Lee ann]

I wrote a long post, but I think my computer shut off during it. What it said was that not eating can be addictive too. Just another way of not dealing with problems. I forget to eat for three or four days and then I get mad because it explains why my muscles are so weak and I'm depressed. Also the first few weeks you will feel hunger pains but after that you won't then its like people don't know when to stop because people will tell you how good you look but you want to look better so you take it too far and don't quit and that can lead to all kinds of health problems.
If you are in pain, I think too, you should go to the dr. and make them understand how you feel. Maybe you'll want to eat if you feel better.Until then, try to snack on something healthy like carrots or celery, I mean its not like there's many or if any calories in those kinds of snacks. Good luck. I hope any of this helps you.