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#1
Feb 04, 2009, 12:58 PM
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I tried so hard to stop myself, but I didnt know what to do... I was scared... theres a lot behind all of this... I have a boyfriend you see and well we dont have our own place we are living with some other people who were nice enough to let us stay with them. I appreciat that but they are hard core christians not that i have anything against that. But my boyfriend and i were intement and in my eyes thats no sin, its a form of love between two people who love eachother. But these people found out and are dissapointed with us, i can understand that but i got scared, so after 2 years of not picking up the knife i finally did.
But now the sadness consumes me, because I love my boyfriend and he loves me and I really dont love people or much less use the word love but he is so different, and now all i want to do is run away from everything... Im so ashamed and it seems to me that shame and remorse that i am feeling causes me to pick up the knife every night now... the bad this is its been going on now since Sunday feb 1st and Im scared that perhaps oneday i will take things too far... i tried to ask my parents for help something else i dont really do and they just blew me off and told me what a falier i was. so now i feel so alone in this world, like no one cares and whats the point now... Ive smashed the flowers that grow from my eyes, now causing me to become blind to the light around me.
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When there was no ear to hear, you sang to me. |
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#2
Feb 04, 2009, 01:48 PM
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iskm, I am sorry that you feel shame and remorse. The values of these people are their values. You can have your own values. I am sorry that your parents are not being more helpful. Have you felt a lot of shame and remorse previously in your life?
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#3
Feb 04, 2009, 01:57 PM
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no i dont believe ive ever really felt shame or remores i think it is something that scares me because i didnt know what the feeling was that was taking me over...
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When there was no ear to hear, you sang to me. |
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#4
Feb 04, 2009, 02:00 PM
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You don't need to fear your feelings...........
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#5
Feb 04, 2009, 06:29 PM
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Im sorry you are feeling this way iskm12 - you are not a failure - you have a loving relationship with your bf and thats definately a success!
 are you ashamed you cut or that your housemates are disapointed with you? as Sannah said - their views/beliefs are their own and not yours - It really sounds like you need your own place - can you get one? that would take at least some of the stress off of you. If the shame is because you cut - then tell yourself that you fell down but you can get back up - we are human we make mistakes - we do things that arnt in our best interests at times - if you beat yourself up about it it will just make the urge stronger - I know I say this a lot - but thats beccause its true - try to treat yourself as if you were your friend - if your friend was feeling this way - had done what you had done - what would you say to them .... I bet you would be supportive - please be kind to yourself P7 
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Its not how many times you fall down that counts  its how many times you get back up!   (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture  )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
 iskm12
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