[Zenobia]

As I was running today I started thinking about my struggles the last couple of days to not hurt myself. I got to thinking of how it was so simular to my struggle to quit smoking. Is it possible that I am addicted to the chemical release that the brain does when I hurt myself? Is the struggle like withdrawel symptoms? What do you all think?
Carrie

<font color=green>Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.--Emily Dickenson

[JulieBean]

It makes so much sense... because we who do this must obviously lack, or need more of, the chemicals that are sent out from our brains when we do this... i wouldn't doubt that it is an addiction, and i've heard it reffered to as that by others... if even they only meant it in not literal terms... like psychologically or whatever, ya know?

"Sometimes it takes us to the bottom of our misery to understand the truth..."
~Gustav Havel - existentialist

[Zenobia]

So if we look at it as an addiction what would be the best way to kick the habit? I know with cigerettes if I tried to quit cold turkey I was always smoking again within a week but if I smoked half of each cigarette and left the butt in my pot I used as an ashtray in the garage, when I had the mad craving I could go out and smoke one of those. That way it tapered off and I would quit for a month before I started up again. This last time though, when I ran out of butts and got the mad craving I bummed off of co-workers. Now its been about 2 months and I don't get any cravings at all. So question is, Is there a way to taper off rather then it being an all or nothing sort of deal? Or is it something that is best done cold turkey?
Carrie

<font color=green>Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.--Emily Dickenson

[Rapunzel]

The idea that it was an addiction was once presented to me by someone who seemed to think that just recognizing that it was like an addiction would be enough to stop it. It's not that easy, is it? I think that first of all you need to find something to replace it with (I know you go running - sometimes that might be the right thing. When you can't go running, what else might you try? talking to someone? something from the list that was posted here a few days ago?) I know that when I try to stop I just find something else to do instead - not eating, not drinking water, getting a bad sunburn, ...) So, find something constructive to replace it with. Actually have a plan and write down on an index card what you will do when you want to hurt yourself so that you can pull it out and look at it when you need to.

You could set up a chart or just put a smilie face on the date in your calendar or something to reward yourself for not doing it. After a certain number of days, give yourself a tangible reward - something of your choice. Start with just a few days at first, and gradually increase the time to earn the reward (the reward can get bigger for longer time periods too).

Then, there is also a medication that blocks the effects of the endorphins. I posted that before, but if IIRC it is called Rexia. Ask your doctor about it.

I guess you could try going to a 12-step program for help. They have those for all kinds of addictions and also for depression and stuff too.

In my opinion, I feel that tapering off would be better than cold turkey, unless you find that once you have hurt yourself it increases your desire to do it again. Then you would need to try cold turkey.

Good luck!

-Wendy

<font color=purple>"You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try."</font color=purple>

[Zenobia]

I think the key is to find other coping methods that relieve the stress of the situation then somehow learning ot employ the stratagies. I don't like the idea of blocking the endorphins because I would be afraid of feeling perpetually revved up and unable to relieve those feelings without actually killing myself because the feelings are so unbearable. So to take away my safety hatch would be a bad thing. It isn't just getting me to stop hurting myself. Hurting myself is only a symptom to a much larger problem. Hmmm, this takes it away from the whole addiction angle all together. Because if I didn't have the original problem that revved up my system in the first place I wouldn't hurt myself. So the trick would be to stop the original trigger.
Carrie

<font color=green>Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.--Emily Dickenson

[Rapunzel]

I wouldn't do the Rexia thing either, personally. It honestly doesn't appeal to me. My sister (who is a psychiatrist) brought that up once.

How can you control the original trigger? There are some things you might be able to control, but others you can't. Remember the serenity prayer? All you can control sometimes is how you will react. You can choose whether to act, or to react (or in other words be acted upon by circumstances or other people).
Wendy

<font color=purple>"You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try."</font color=purple>

[ErinBear]

Hi,

For what it is worth, I used to self-injure, and for me, I decided it was an addiction. I decided I needed to quit "cold turkey" and I did. That was over ten years ago. I have wondered if cutting releases endorphins in some powerful way, but I don't know. At any rate, the more I did it, the more I wanted it. So for me, it was very much of an addiction. That was my take on it.

Take care,
ErinBear

[Zenobia]

Control. That is a biggy. The need to be able to control something in a difficult situation. I find the greatest urge for me comes with triggers or events that leave me feeling helpless and without any control. That is when I will do the most damage. Other times I do it because I feel a long standing discomfort and I am just tired of feeling it and want it to stop. I know how to stop it so I do. I need to think on this a little longer. I have a thought forming in the back of my head that isn't into words yet.
Carrie

<font color=green>Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.--Emily Dickenson

[Rapunzel]

Those are some of my main reasons too. Sometimes you just don't have the option of controlling the situation, but you can always control your own actions (in theory anyway). Can you develop a plan for what you will do in those situations or when you need to break free of discomfort? I guess that's why people say to talk to somebody when you want to hurt yourself. I must do it backwards. I can be very patient. Last winter, for example, I was really depressed for 2-3 months before I got tired of it, got in a situation I didn't have control over, went into a rage, and did the most damage I ever have. I knew that I was going to to it for at least a month before it happened. I could have found somebody to talk to before it got to that point, but that wasn't what I wanted to do. After I did it I felt significantly better.

When that thought at the back of your mind forms up, I'd sure be interested in hearing it.

-Wendy

<font color=purple>"You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try."</font color=purple>

[Zenobia]

When the big damage happens the mechanism that says "hey, maybe we shouldn't do this" gets fried and there is no organized thinking what so ever. These moments frighten me and are the ones that make me want to stop this once and for all.

The extended discomfort situation is a tricky one because it starts out "ok we shouldn't do this" then it gradually builds up until I just am tired of saying "no" and am tired of feeling bad, or hearing the chatter, or being bored. It is like wearing really tight jeans, eventually one just has to take them off. Unfortunately, I tend to cut them off rather then undoing the button and zipper. Kinda a waste of clothing, ha ha. I don't even know how to use the zipper and buttons. Of course there was a period of time when I didn't know zippers and buttons existed so I guess I have made an improvement.
Carrie

<font color=green>Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.--Emily Dickenson