[knothead]

I've been self-injuring off and on since I was about 14 (I am 35 now). When I got married in my early 20's, I managed to only S.I. a few times a year, only when I was overly stressed or sad.

The past few years have been hell. One by one, my precious cats have passed away. I used to have four; I have lost one each year until now I only have the one, and she is 14. My husband deserted me without any warning or explanation in 2007. I even lost the job that I loved because of the high gas prices.

I tried to get help a few weeks ago, I called to make an appointment with the mental health clinic, but since I don't have a specific suicide plan, they won't see me until the first week of May. That's so stupid -- if I did have a plan then I wouldn't have asked for help, I would have just done it.

Everything is just too overwhelming--I started back into my old S.I. pattern about a week ago. It's scary because I don't seem to have the control over it like I once had. I don't really expect to get much feedback from anyone, I just thought it might help me to write it all down.

[phoenix7]

Knothead you have been and are going through alot - its no wonder you fell back ito something that you found helped in the past - have you made the appointment for may? I hope so . DId they know you were hurting yourself? if not can you ring them back and tell them?

The important thing is not to be too hard on yourself for going back to your old habit - the important thing is to try and find things to do instead of hurting yourself in the future - read the stickies at the top of the page they may help - just reading them has helped me somtimes

I know how you feel about your cats - I have two they are 11 and 9 years old and I love them dearly and they are such good company when you are feeling own - I am glad you still have the company of your cat - and Im sorry your husband left you without warning - that must have been a shock - I hope you can find somthing to do instead of hurting yourself - come here and talk aobut how you are feeling - and try to be kind to yourself

[Christina86]

((((((((((((knothead))))))))))))))

You sure have gone through a lot recently - I'm sorry. Losing a furry friend is hard, regardless of everything else happening in your life!!

Is there any way you can call someone else who might be able to see you sooner than May? Or perhaps calling them back and telling them you need to see someone NOW and not later? Because you're right, having to wait until you're suicidal is a dumb plan of theirs!

Until you get to see someone though - is there anyone you trust who knows about your self-injuring, or someone you'd feel comfortable telling? Just someone to keep you company, someone you can call or that can help you out that lives nearby? What about a crisis line?

You can also post here. As many times as you need to. Or send me a PM anytime and I'll listen to you. There are a lot of supportive people here.

[ickydog2006]

((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))