Circles of Trust- Parker J. Palmer...

(This is a "re-post" from another forum.)

Is anyone, here on PC, an aficionado of the author, Parker J. Palmer? I would like to find a few members (perhaps just a couple) who are familiar with Palmer's concept of the "circle of trust" as described in his book: A Hidden Wholeness- The Journey Toward an Undivided Life.

I'd like to establish a private chat room wherein we would explore implementing an on-line circle of trust. If you are familiar with Palmer's writings & would like to participate in this, please reply here, or PM me, as you prefer. Thanks!

P.S. Since this would be a new venture (at least for me) I think it would be best if only individuals who are familiar with Palmer's work participate at this stage. Later on, perhaps, less knowledgeable folks could be brought in.

A link to YouTube's video collection regarding Palmer:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqa...NNT2VNxKy66Sfw

Skeez I am interested if you expand to people coming from different backgrounds and agreeing on basic principles. Think about it.

Is it more important to know a book or to know yourself?

Hi CANDC: Thank you for your kind offer! There's certainly no problem with people coming from different backgrounds. However, Palmer's concept of the "circle of trust" is a well defined entity with specific do's & don't's attached to the process. The process is taught in seminars around the U.S. & perhaps in other countries as well.

Palmer is a Quaker. And his concept of the "circle of trust" is based on 400 year old Quaker practices. My interest in this is to see if this practice can be used on the internet. To my knowledge, this has not been done previously. And it seems like PsychCentral could be an excellent place to attempt it.

But in order for this to be of interest to me, it needs to be done in accordance with Palmer's principles & techniques. In this instance, I'm less interested in what I might get out of it for myself, than I am in learning if the technique can work in an on-line venue such as PC.

By the way, I'm certainly no expert when it comes to this process. I've merely read a couple of Palmer's books, one of which goes into a fair amount of detail with regard to the circle of trust process. I'm interested in it as a technique for personal growth & development.

Skeezyks, I read Palmer in the past and have been thinking about this since I first read your post. After reflection, I think you have a great idea. The Practices of Circles of Trust seem especially well suited for Psych Central, in many ways.

Practices of the Circle of Trust Approach

Creating spaces that are open and hospitable, but resource-rich and charged with expectancy. In a Circle of Trust, we are invited to slow down, listen and reflect in a quiet and focused space. At the same time, we engage in dialogue with others in the circle—a dialogue about things that matter. As this “sorting and sifting” goes on, and we are able to clarify and affirm our truth in the presence of others, that truth is more likely to overflow into our work and lives.

Committing to no fixing, advising, “saving” or correcting one another.
Everything we do is guided by this simple rule, one that honors the primacy and integrity of the inner teacher. When we are free from external judgment, we are more likely to have an honest conversation with ourselves and learn to check and correct ourselves from within.

Asking honest, open questions to “hear each other into speech.” Instead of advising each other, we learn to listen deeply and ask questions that help others hear their own inner wisdom more clearly. As we learn to ask questions that are not advice in disguise, that have no other purpose than to help someone listen to the inner teacher, all of us learn and grow.

Exploring the intersection of the universal stories of human experience with the personal stories of our lives. Guided conversations focused on a poem, a teaching story, a piece of music or a work of art—drawn from diverse cultures and wisdom traditions—invite us to reflect on the “big questions” of our lives, allowing each person to intersect and explore them in his or her own way.

Using multiple modes of reflection so everyone can find his or her place and pace. In Circles of Trust, we speak and we listen. We explore important questions in large group conversation and dialogues in small groups. We make time for individual reflection and journaling. We respect nonverbal ways of learning, including music, movement and the arts. We honor the educative power of silence and the healing power of laughter. Together we weave a “tapestry of truth” with many and diverse threads, creating a pattern in which everyone can find a place that both affirms and stretches them.

Honoring confidentiality. Participants in Circles of Trust understand that nothing said in these circles will be revealed outside the circle and that things said by participants will not be pursued when a session ends, unless the speaker requests it.

This sounds like a practice that I have already begun in some ways and one in which I have to do improving in many ways. Thank you for sharing these principles.

Somehow I ran the cursor over "submit reply" before I was ready to submit. The edit feature doesn't allow some of the fixing necessary for that post. All that info belongs in with more headings bolded and with this link. The Circle of Trust Approach ? Center for Courage & RenewalCenter for Courage & Renewal

The linked page also includes the Principals of the Circles of Trust and Principles and Practices at Work in the World.

Skeezyks, your idea is a good one and it seems to be in keeping with the general guidelines already in place for the forums. I could benefit from committing to no fixing, advising, “saving” or correcting one another. I have a tendency to be a Ms. Fix-It, although in real life I am committed to not doing things for people they can do for themselves, even when it would be much easier, faster and more efficient for me to do it. Sometimes help is not really helpful, if you know what I mean. I'm much better with action than with words, ie, sometimes I don't know when to shut up. Working on that would certainly be good for me.

Doc John recently wrote a post about forum guidelines. It seemed to be in line with the Practices of the Circles of trust -- honoring confidentiality, for instance. Although most of us are anonymous, the idea of not posting about someone when they're gone is akin to honoring confidentiality. (I do realize the paradox ... I just talked about Doc John and he's not part of this particular conversation. Sorry Doc!)

Then there's Committing to no fixing, advising, “saving” or correcting one another. It's also in alignment with offering support instead of judgment and keeping the space free from external judgment so people can learn to check and correct themselves from within.

Well, heck, I just happen to be a highly judgmental person and make no apologies for it because it's kept me safe, but my T taught me how to think-feel-act in a non-condemnatory and non-punitive way when my inner judgment is telling me someone isn't acting according to Hoyle or me. People mess up, they make mistakes, they do self-defeating things. I don't get to punish or condemn them for that because I make mistakes, too. I'm not a jury of one, although sometimes I'd like to be. Truth is, I give great advice! Or so my ego thinks. Do I follow it myself? Not always. So ... well ... committing to no fixing or advising wouldn't hurt me, just make me twitch in frustration sometimes. I could live with that.

Skeezyks, I think you have a great idea and I like it. The Principles and Practices would certainly benefit me if I applied them to my own life and to interacting with others here at PsychCentral. Yes, there will be drawbacks. Not everyone you meet on the internet is trustworthy. One of the reasons I like PC is because it seems surprisingly free of people who are here to play games or cause harm to others. Are those called trolls in internet lingo? It doesn't feel like there are a lot of them here. People are surprisingly sincere and nice, with some crankiness now and then, but most of us have our own cranky moments so that's something I can live with, too.

I'm game if you are, Skeezyks. I'll follow your lead. Any idea where you'd like to go with this?

Yes, Skeezyks. PoorPrincess would indeed be interested in such an online support group working with Parker Palmer's Circles of Trust principles.
I am familiar with Parker Palmer and his work.
He often came to speak at our small, independent college, decades ago.
Excellent suggestion to explore, Skeezyks.

Appreciation,
PoorPrincess

Thanks for your replies!!! I have to admit... I'm not exactly sure how to begin here either. I guess we need a private chat room. We'll need to come up with a day of the week & time that is convenient for each of us. (I'm in the Central time zone... in the U.S.)

I think it would make sense for the few of us who are interested in this idea to figure out what we're doing & become comfortable with it before we would offer to bring anyone else in.

I think, for myself, I need to go back & take another look at the sections of A Hidden Wholeness That deal with how a circle of trust works. One thing I recall is that circles of trust are time-limited. The length of time can vary. But there's a time-frame within which a circle operates. Of course, it can be extended should the participants wish. We would probably want to set a time-frame within which this initial circle would function. It could be anything from, perhaps a month.

Larger circles of trust require a participant / leader. However, when they are small, this is not necessary. So we won't need to think about that.

Perhaps we could plan a date & time to open & meet in a private chat room & talk more about how this might work. I'll give some thought to days of the week & times that would work best for me & I'll post here again. Since I'm retired, I'm fairly flexible...

The Skeezyks, I have not read the book so am not in a position to join the group. The ideas presented sound intriguing though.

As for how to get started, what about a "by invite only" social group?

My evenings are usually busy, but I have flexible time during the day. I'm an early riser, so any time that's convenient for the central time zone would work for me, as long as it's not after 9 pm Central Time.

I'll see if the library has the book or if I can get it on inter-library loan. My H and I have made a pact -- no more book buying. We tend to go a little wild there. I don't remember exactly how to set up a circle of trust either.

Skeezyks, I would be very comfortable if you wanted to take on the role of leader/participant. If you're not comfortable with that, that's okay, too. After reading many of your threads and posts, even in threads I don't post on, I have confidence in your accepting, non-fixing style. Whatever works is good for me.

I previously posted the Practices of the Circles of Trust. Below are the Principles of the Circles of Trust. I especially like the Principles and Practices approach to life, with it's joys and problems. In my own life, I've used an approach that tells me what to do (with my agreement,) combined with another approach that tells me how to do it. I consider that Principles and Practices.

PRINCIPLES OF THE CIRCLES OF TRUST

Everyone has an inner teacher.
Every person has access to an inner source of truth, named in various wisdom traditions as identity, true self, heart, spirit or soul. The inner teacher is a source of guidance and strength that helps us find our way through life’s complexities and challenges. Circles of Trust give people a chance to listen to this source, learn from it and discover its imperatives for their work and their lives.

Inner work requires solitude and community.
In Circles of Trust we make space for the solitude that allows us to learn from within, while supporting that solitude with the resources of community. Participants take an inner journey in community where we learn how to evoke and challenge each other without being judgmental, directive or invasive.

Inner work must be invitational.
Circles of Trust are never “share or die” events, but times and places where people have the freedom within a purposeful process to learn and grow in their own way, on their own schedule and at their own level of need. From start to finish, this approach invites participation rather than insisting upon it because the inner teacher speaks by choice, not on command.

Our lives move in cycles like the seasons.
By using metaphors drawn from the seasons to frame our exploration of the inner life, we create a hospitable space that allows people of diverse backgrounds and perspectives to engage in a respectful dialogue. These metaphors represent cycles of life—such as the alternation of darkness and light, death and new life—shared by everyone in a secular, pluralistic society regardless of philosophical, religious or spiritual differences.

An appreciation of paradox enriches our lives and helps us hold greater complexity.
The journey we take in a Circle of Trust teaches us to approach the many polarities that come with being human as “both–ands” rather than “either–ors,” holding them in ways that open us to new insights and possibilities. We listen to the inner teacher and to the voices in the circle, letting our own insights and the wisdom that can emerge in conversation check and balance each other. We trust both our intellects and the knowledge that comes through our bodies, intuitions and emotions.

We live with greater integrity when we see ourselves whole.
Integrity means integrating all that we are into our sense of self, embracing our shadows and limitations as well as our light and our gifts. As we deepen the congruence between our inner and outer lives we show up more fully in the key relationships and events of our lives, increasing our capacity to be authentic and courageous in life and work.

A “hidden wholeness” underlies our lives.
Whatever brokenness we experience in ourselves and in the world, a “hidden wholeness” can be found just beneath the surface. The capacity to stand and act with integrity in the tragic gap between what is and what could be or should be—resisting both the corrosive cynicism that comes from seeing only what is broken and the irrelevant idealism that comes from seeing only what is not—has been key to every life-giving movement and is among the fruits of the Circle of Trust approach.

http://www.couragerenewal.org/approach/

Y'all got me interested in the book with your posts. I just placed a request with my local library.

Thanks for your reply. lizardlady.! Yes, circles of trust are always formal groups. There's no coming-&-going as people see fit. A circle of trust is a group that commits to meeting for a specific period of time. Of course there's no way to, nor would anyone want to try to, prevent someone from quitting if that's what they want to do. And also, while the group is meeting, if a member needs to take a "time-out" for awhile during the meeting, this is perfectly okay. However, based on my understanding of the process, I don't believe there would ever be a circumstance wherein people would simply be allowed to just show up as is sometimes done in support groups.

Thanks for your reply SnakeCharmer. I'm not much of a morning person. But, I would also prefer to avoid evenings, although I can probably do either. We can see what PoorPrincess' preferences are & then decide how to proceed.

Yes, I think it will be important for each of us to be as familiar as possible with how circles of trust work. So I think having read: A Hidden Wholeness, of some other of Palmer's works wherein he discusses the concept at length, will be important.

As far as the idea of the leader / participant goes, I recall reading that Palmer feels this is unnecessary where a group is small & the group members are knowledgeable with regard to the process. So my thinking is we can dispense with that for the time being at least.

i want to play~! i'm usually here in the mornings, Mountain Time, but rarely out of the house,, so anytime~

i can't read the book, but i'm familiar with the principles, and that was a lovely post~ short and sweet~

Thanks, Gus! Until such time as we would establish a chat room, or other similar sort-of venue, we'll be continuing to hammer out the details here. So we'll be able to keep track of what's happening. Feel free to chime back in again as desired!

Below is information on How the Principles and Practices of Circles of Trust work in the world.

Yes...

Thanks for adding this SnakeCharmer! I can only add that, from my perspective, the challenge is for us to figure out if & how this can work in an on-line setting such as here on PC. I think that if those of us who are interested keep sharing information with regard to what a circle of trust is, & how it works, along with how we might set one up here on PC, I think that it will come together.

One thing I've been thinking about is the actual "venue" for this. Would it be best if it were a private chat room? Could it be a "social group" that requires non-members to join? Also, would we want to all meet at the same time, say for example, once a week for a pre-agreed-upon length of time? Or is it possible to simply have it be a place to go, post, & receive replies according to members' individual schedules? I'd like to read others' thoughts with regard to this...

From my perspective, this is the beginning of a potentially great experiment. We're just in the earliest stages right now, feeling our way along... trying to imagine how something like this might work.

I hope everyone who wants to be a part of this will continue to posts thoughts, ideas, & perspectives!

I'm open to any of those venues. I'm easy. But this is my first preference for a way to start:

PC members cover many time zones and I'd hate to see someone excluded because geography made it impossible for them to participate at a time convenient for most others. Some of us here in the Senior Lounge have very flexible schedules, myself included. Others at PC have demanding jobs, children, and other family obligations.

But like I said, I'm willing to participate in any of the available venues. I haven't done chat for at least a decade. If it was my first choice, I'd probably still be doing it. I'm willing to try again if that's best for other people.

It's possible the venue may change over time, become more or less intense. In the real world, face to face meeting could be a very important part of the process. Working on-line gives more options and I always like having more options.

Thanks, Skeezyks!

i, personally, am a proponent of change. especially over time, the need to be flexible is paramount. how could Palmer plan for something as diverse and divergent as PC, chats and forums, social groups, etc. ??

we, as the 'feet on the ground', need to look for what there IS to support our process, not what WAS. so, to sum all the suggestions, i would think that both an Invite Only (closed to public reading, even) Social Group, AND a pass-worded Chat room, would serve us the best. i don't see why there can't be more than one Chat time, as long as we are all on the same page in the Social Group.

a month just doesn't feel long enough to me. i would prefer something like 8 weeks, with an acknowledged-in-advance absence option. what i mean is: no punishment for having a life. i am very careful what i tell about myself,,, on line and IRL. a secret shared is a secret bared. if it's secret, there's a reason. no assurances by someone i don't even know, can't look in the eye, hear the tone of voice, ask others who know her/him, will ever convince me.

i am having less secrets now that i am becoming a less judgmental person, tho. and that is the process i would like to continue and develop. what if we set an initial time and date, and let's see how many can make it? someone has to start the social group and invite everyone who has expressed an interest. i decline, as my time with PC is lessening all the time. if we get a group in Chat over 8 people, then we can elect someone to chase the cats,,, maybe ?

i propose Monday's, because there is no conflicting scheduled chat. and 11:00 a.m. EST (eastern time), because i have seen that be a good time for people who are not working. an alternate chat could be Monday evening at 7:00 p.m EST so it's not too late for people on the west coast.

whoever opens the Social Group must be available regularly to address requests and referrals; and intend to stay in touch for a while, so the process does not just wither away (in my opinion). i vote for Skeez

may you have happiness and the causes of happiness~
Gus

Thanks... I'll need to give all of this some thought!

I've begun re-reading Parker Palmer's book: A Hidden Wholeness. I have to admit that I find I cannot read his writings too frequently, or too many times.

What has occurred to me, just today, is that for any of us who may continue to be interested in the idea of creating on-line "circles of trust", what may be of primary importance right now is for us to keep actively sharing our insights with regard to what a circle of trust is & how it functions. Then later on, when any of us who stick with it feel it is time, we can consider the possibility of actually attempting one ourselves.

With this thought in mind it occurs to me that we might consider, at this point in time, creating a "Circles of Trust" social group... one where membership would be by invitation only... such as various other social groups here on PC are set up. I don't know how this is done. But it obviously can be, since there are other social groups set up in this fashion. Our postings on the topic of circles of trust would be readable by others. However, only members would be able to post. My feeling is, we would not want people who don't know anything about the "circle of trust" concept, throwing their two cents in. This would at best be a distraction, & at worst a disruption.

Having offered that suggestion, I thought I would also offer a few lines from: A Hidden Wholeness that have stood out to me as I have begun re-reading the book:

"Wholeness does not mean perfection: it means embracing brokenness as an integral part of life... we can use devastation as a seedbed for new life." (Pg. 5) (Pema Chödrön could not have said it better!)

"... the singular intent of a circle of trust: to make it safe for the soul to show up and offer us it's guidance." (Pg. 22)

"... a circle of trust is not defined by numbers; it is defined by the nature of the space it creates between us. (Pgs. 28 & 29)

"A circle of trust can form wherever two or three are gathered-- as long as those two or three know how to create and protect a space for the soul."(Pg. 29) ("... there is love... [?])

"... the two key principles behind (circles of trust): that the soul or true self is real and powerful and that the soul can feel safe only in relationships that possess certain qualities." (Pg. 29)

"Philosophers haggle about what to call this core of our humanity, but I am no stickler for precision. Thomas Merton called it true self. Buddhists call it original nature or big self. Quakers call it the inner teacher or the inner light. Hasidic Jews call it a spark of the divine. Humanists call it identity and integrity. In popular parlance, people often call it the soul." (Pg. 33)

Thanks for taking the time to read this. Please reply!

i went ahead and opened two "temporary" social groups, one private, invite only, not open to reading by non-members; and one for posting information only, open to public reading and joining. they are both moderated, which means that offensive or 'off-topic' posts can be deleted. PM me.

i suggest we meet in Chat monday at 11:00 a.m. Eastern time to see who can make it. we can then make a pass-worded room if enough people want to. invite friends and other PC members who you believe might be interested and able to participate~!

best wishes, and hoping no offense given~
Gus

No offense taken! Sounds good. May be out of town Monday a.m, but feel fine about others starting without me. I may need someone to explain how social groups work. Never even looked at one before. Probably be able to figure it out... ... eventually.

Gus I would have had no idea how to do all of this! Yes, Monday at 11 a.m. eastern time should work well for me...

SnakeCharmer has suggested that we post the practices & principles for a circle of trust so that PC members in general can read them. There may be PC members who are not familiar with Palmer who will be attracted by the circle-of-trust concepts. It sounds like the social group that is open to the public would be a great place to do this...