[RedCylon]

And I have never been on a date. I have never kissed or been with a girl. I feel like life is passing me by. I have my share of psychological problems (depression, lousy childhood, etc...) but I am starting to feel like it will never happen for me.

I have had female friends (even though I haven't spoken to them in a while) but it never became romantic. Sometimes I realize after the fact that it COULD have, but I never took the chance. Recently a girl I took a class with was into me to the point where she basically stalked me, but I just had no idea how to respond.

My biggest fear is being alone. I don't like the idea of being a 30 or 40 year old virgin. I'm not one of those people with strange sexual hang ups or who thinks sex is "dirty." So what is my problem? How can I change things? I'm naturally a little shy and I think I might have a bit of social anxiety. I am going to see a therapist soon, hopefully.

Any advice, from anyone, on any of the above?

[guitarguy1973]

I think you just haven't found the right person. Go out to a place with lots of people and just start talking or make some friends online.

[jerrymichele]

Do you have any friends who can set you up?

[Irine]

I used to be expremely shy too.

You really need that kind of girl who is everything but shy...who is maybe almost bold. Just respond in a way that will look like you are interested....and that kind of person will do all the rest.

Dont run away

[RedCylon]

Thanks for the advice, everyone. I like the idea of meeting a bold person, as LadyMacbeth said. The girl I took a class with was a bit bold, I just had no idea how to respond. It just overwhelmed me. Hindsight is always 20/20 I guess.

I haven't spoken to any of my friends in years, and don't live near any of them, so that is out. I guess I just have to wait. I feel like its getting too late for me though. I feel old and like I never lived.

Well thanks for the advice, everyone.

[Rhapsody]

Best thing to do is to get out there and meet people.... good luck.
Females love a great SMILE on a guy.

[Typo]

Join a club, or a join a class on something in the town, like ceramics, or yoga or a book club?. Coffee shops are great ways to meet people too.

Don't give up hope! You sound like a very nice guy. and Rhapsody is right, smiling is a great

As for responding to a girl, make small talk, compliment her, ask her what she likes to do, hobbies, a great way to make conversation is asking what a person is majoring in in school.

Keep your chin up hun, For some people it just takes longer than others,

Sending hugs, positive vibes, and lots of luck!
Sparrow

[RedCylon]

I'm trying not to give up hope, but I'm just getting impatient. I've been holding out and hoping for years and years. It's just starting to feel like it's too late now. I probably need to get out more. I just feel like I don't have the patience anymore. And I feel like my lack of romantic experience is really working against me.

And yes, I'll smile more often. Usually I'm pretty bummed out, so I guess I just have to make an effort to smile. That's really good advice actually, I should have thought of that.

Thanks to everyone who responded so far, and anyone else who does.

[Rhapsody]

Take it slow if you have to, but commit to spending one day out in the world (ex: library, grocery store, wa-lmart) with the thought in your head that you will SMILE and say HI to everyone that makes eye contact with you that day - you don't have to stick around and make small talk you can move on after the HI part is over... and remember a little work goes a long way.

> > > baby steps < < <

[Brian37]

Ive got you beat...

I was 26 before I had a serious date and actully kissed a girl

Im married to her now

I put a personal ad in the paper, she repsonded, we met, fell in love and are still together (since Aug 17th 1996)

I know how impatient you must feel....I did too... your not alone

fate has a strange way of bringing people together...not always in the time frame your looking for, but it will happen

trust me...I was there

[Rmdctc]

I know how you feel. I am an almost 21 yr old girl in your same position. I just wanted to wish you luck!

[Yoda]

When I was your age I got scared because I didn't have a boyfriend and didn't have any prospects. I was very lonely and had low self esteem at that time in my life. When I was twenty-four years old I finally met somebody and within a month of meeting he proposed and I wasn't in love with him but I was so scared of being alone that I accepted and we married quickly. Divorce followed a few years later.

I don't really feel qualified to give advice but I will give my perspective. I regret feeling that I "needed" a boyfriend to be okay. In retrospect what I really needed was to develop friendships of both sexes. When I was in my early thirties I met a man that I was in love with for nearly a decade before he died. Now I am alone again but I now have the self awareness that being alone is okay. Perhaps I will meet somebody special some day and maybe not.

Perhaps you could do some group dates with some friends where people are not paired up but just want to enjoy each others' company.

[RedCylon]

It's nice to know I'm not the only one in this type of situation. (Thanks Brian and Rmdctc.) I think I said this before, but the idea of being alone forever terrifies me. It has to be my number one fear. It actually keeps me up at night. And I'm a bit afraid of what Yoda said happening to me. Am I so desperate that I'll marry the first girl I go out with, in love with her or not? I'm just so tired of being alone. I've been alone the majority of my life, and I'm sick of it.

But like I said it's nice to know I'm not the only one who this has happened to, and its nice to know other people understand the impatience I feel. Thanks for listening.

[lilacbutterfly]

I wish I knew the answer... I'm 23, female, and have never kissed a guy. I went on one or two things I guess could be called 'dates', but I wasn't interested in the guy and they were a long time ago. I'm dying to have a relationship with someone. I have guy friends, I just can't seem to figure out how romantic relationships work. I don't have the answer for you, but you're not alone.

[trevorzero]

My only advice is to keep your expectations quite low for the dating experience.

Make only the most casual of dates and only with women who may barely interest you. You've been elevating the whole DATING thing in your mind to the point where it can paralyze you.

The sooner you start experiencing some bad and boring dates (and surviving them just fine), the sooner you can begin to progress to a more satisfying level of dating.

Don't make this into a bigger problem than it needs to be.

[Maven]

I had my first date at 22. I know how you feel, with life passing you by. I felt that way about dating and such when I was younger, and now that I'm going through problems again, I feel that way once more.

I think going to singles' events or trying online personals might help. At least people will know what the goal is.

[waladi]

Hey

Well, Im a 25 year old virgin. With tons of questions, and I dont want to be 30 or 40 and be a virging. I would like to know what it is like, and I guess it's normal.

Im shy too, and here is my real problem, Im not shy with guys, but Im terribly shy with women. When Im in the elevator and a woman walks in, I cant look at her...Im so shy...or scared. Go figure it out. Im helping myself by talking to a psychologist