Why should I tell people?

This is basically just a rant, but does have an important question in there somewhere

I'm bisexual. No one knows, except for whoever reads this and one friend that I only know online (long story...lol). So my question is, what are some of the reasons that I should tell people? I guess I'm just not thinking of them. Obviously there's the reason of wanting to be open about it, which I do sometimes. But I definitely wouldn't tell my parents. My mom very often says things like "There's no such thing as bi. You'reeither straight or gay" and "That's just being perverted". My dad seems to believe the same thing. Funny thing is, my mom has said she wouldn't freak out if I was gay. But I'm not! A bit of a rant there, sorry

So I'm definitely not telling my parents. There's a few friends I would consider telling though. But I can't think of the reasons why I want to tell them. I know they would all be ok with it. One of my friends is gay (and her girlfriend/partner is bi) and the other people I would consider telling know her and seem completely ok with it. If I ever told them then there's the risk of my parents finding out somehow. I trust my friends, well as much as I trust people in general, but I'm still worried about it.

Well that's the end of my rant. So the question is, why should I tell people, if I even should at all

Well do you think it would make a difference in your life for the better, would you be happier? Your orientation is nobody else's business but your own in my opinion. What would you achieve in 'coming out' so to speak? It is a very personal decision and in doing so you must be prepared emotionally and spiritualy for a myriad of reactions.

Why tell them is what I say... I don't go around announcing to others of what my husband and I did in the bedroom the night before, so why should you have to go around announcing that you are bi-sexual?

I agree with Paddy and Rhapsody. Heterosexuals don't start off by announcing they're heterosexual - it's no ones business.

Would it make a difference in my life for the better? It would either make a difference for the better a little bit or go horribly wrong

Would I be happier? I have no idea

What would I achieve? A pretty big step in one of my goals for myself: being more honest about everything. I'm tired of so many secrets and feeling like I'm never being myself. Alot of that is because of other things, but I think this is part of it.

It's true that its no one else's business. If I ever decide to not hide it I wouldn't tell very many people. There's only one or two that I'd consider telling at this point. I want to tell them somtimes, but I don't know why

I've gone through the end of both spectrum, from totally out and in your face, to totally closeted, OMG yes I'm straight, no, never think of boys that way. neither one felt very comfortable for me. I finally came to the point where I decided that aside from who I find attractive, there really is no difference between me and a heterosexual. So why should I act any different? I don't hide the fact that I am bisexual (with one exception), but I don't exactly flaunt it either. It isn't something I bring up in every day conversation, not because I'm trying to hide it, but because there is no reason to bring it up. If asked by someone (usually because they notice me looking at some guy or something) then yes, I tell them that I am bi, but I don't make a deal out of it, just kinda shrug it off like "yeah I am, so what". But it is what I found myself most comfortable with. I don't question why I should or should not tell someone, and I don't think of it as hiding it from anyone. The only real change I've made is I generally prefer to use non-gender specific pronouns when referring to who I am dating, such as (my personal favorite) "the other half" or "my other half". I'm not sure why, it's just something I tend to do.

(as for the one exception, that would be my mother. That is only because I have found it so much easier to leave it at I'm gay than to try to explain the whole bi thing to her. not quite sure how exactly that worked out that way, but, well.... what can you say)

I guess the main reason to tell would be if you felt it would benefit you. For instance - I'll share it with people if I feel the need to talk about issues relating to my bisexuality, and I think those people would give good feedback.

Also, for some people sexuality is a large part of their self-identity, and not mentioning it makes them feel like they're hiding 'who they are.' I don't feel this way, but I also notice I am pretty closeted in real life. I won't deny it to friends but family and strangers certainly don't get to know. Heaven forbid I'd let a coworker or professor find out. It's a very bigoted society and discrimination against homosexuals is still largely legal, with people often getting away with it even when it isn't. I was especially closed off when I was a teenager and worried coming out to my parents would make my home life worse. I also didn't see any reason to cause unnecessary drama, when chances were almost equal that I'd end up with a man anyways.

However, I find that I still tell little white lies about my life in order to maintain the illusion that their daughter could still be straight. (Mostly because I've tried to broach the topic and can tell my mother just does not want to hear it. My dad hates homosexuals and they both also feel that bisexuality doesn't exist.) So when people don't know, you almost feel it necessary to hide. Coming out can take the edge off here. They know. There's no reason to keep gender ambiguous in a sentence or not share some information. You don't have to worry so much that a small slip-up will start a giant bit of prying into your personal life, or ruin the conversation. Yes, there can be other problems which go along with coming out, and I wouldn't recommend it to teenagers who have very prejudiced parents, but there are also major negatives to not coming out which I think should also be evaluated.

I'll probably come out to my sister when she comes home for the summer. At this point she almost has a sister-in-law, and I see no reason to keep this from her. My other sister's only ten, but she knows I've had female crushes. I don't share any more than that with her, due to the fact that she'd easily slip up to my dad. My mom probably knows but she'd never admit it, because she doesn't want to believe it. And my dad will probably go to his grave never knowing. That man can be abusive and I'm not giving him any more ammunition. Oh, my brother was the first family member I told though. When my current lover came on a family vacation with us, I needed some advice and knew he could give it. So that's how that came to be. As you can see, it's depended a lot on the people in my life and situations, as well as how comfortable I feel with them knowing.

So I suppose in the end, it's a really personal decision and up to you. The annoying thing is once they know, they can't un-know. So I'd definitely test the waters before jumping in.

I kept it under wraps when I first started seeing this girl. It was the first (And only) girl I've ever been with. I think our friends started suspecting something (There are only so many sleep-over's one can have, always sharing a bed) and it just made it easier. Our emotions were strong, it was hard to go out as a group and act as friends. We just wanted to hold hands, kiss and hug each other.
Eventually we told our friends. And I was surprised how accepting they were, especially as we were probably the last 2 people on earth one would have suggest to be bi. At the same time, our relationship did not start out as a sexual attraction. It was friendship, which became a deep caring and then love and then carried on its course
The end results however: we broke up and I am back with my boyfriend. I've never felt like that about another woman again, although I always get a strange emotion when I see 2 lesbians together

If someone reading this wants to PM me about this topic and my story as above, pls feel free. I sometimes think I need to talk about it too

I know for me personally I identfy as being bisexual, and I've asked myself this question a few times as well and think on it from time to time, but for right now in my life, I don't see a reason into being out to people about it, espically since right now I"m involved with a man, If I was to ever get involved with a woman then yeah I would come out but only because the situation called for it.

I can see being "out" as a way to maybe met other's that share your sexual preferences, or maybe get support over it if you felt confusion or felt you needed support on it.

Paddy had a very good post, it's up to you, is it going to improve the quality of your life? How is it going to change things for you? Could you handle the negativity that some people may give you for it?

I know for me personally, being out that I"m bisexual wouldn't improve my quality of life for me, and wouldn't pose any benifits or do anything for me but cause me grief because I"m not emotionally in the place to handle the possible negativity I would receive for it (small rural southren town, kinda of self explanitory)

However, if you feel it is going to benift you and help you reach the goal of being more open, then I think you should consider it, you have to do what's best for you.

Keep us all updated on what you decided

Best Wishes
Typo

I think for now I've decided to MAYBE tell certain people only if it came up, like a few friends that I know would be ok with it. I know this doesn't really sound like a decision but its all I've come up with for now.

I know what you mean about the small rural southern town thing though. Areas like that can be really ignorant sometimes. A few hours north of where I live I saw a huge confederate flag in front of a building. I don't think it was there for historical reasons...

(((((Xx Not Emo xX)))))

Above all be safe. Let us know how things unfold for you

Paddy

Xx Not Emo xX------I find it interesting here in this thread that no one has mentioned that we are all really androgenous. You might want to google a book about it.
I studied this at school--I have chosen to be heterosexual; but hasn't everyone-(Bi, Homosexual, Heterosexual)been attracted to the same gender at one time in their lives? I was once attracted by a girl at school...it felt normal.

I have asked lots of people about this (had to to do a paper on it in school), male and female alike have answered that they at one time were attracted to someone of their own gender------

We, are formed in the womb, but we really have both organs--and hormones.
It's strange to me that no one knows this.

It might help you to explain it to your parents this way----------thoughts---theo

I don't know that revealing our sexual orientation to others we do not wish to have sex with is a good idea. If you are bisexual, then you are bisexual. It's not a secret or hidden or anything else. My stomach lining is probably a healthy pink but, so what? No one else wants to know about my stomach lining and not many others are interested in your sexual preferences unless they are intimately engaged with you and want to have sex with you.

The only person you need to reveal your orientation to is one with whom you are going to be intimate. You don't really need to reveal it to them other than so their ideas and impressions can be confirmed or reoriented :-) so they can better decide what they want to do.

I didn't say anything to anyone about my being bi until I fell in love with my best friend. We are in a great relationship, and I didn't want to hide it. I don't think you "need" to tell anyone if you don't want to. But for future reference, when you do find someone special, I would start by telling your gay/bi friends. They will be supportive and help you through.
just a thought.