[birdcrazy]

Basically, I won't go into details, but I was a 27 year old virgin who just recently lost that status. I lied to my family about what I was doing that night and stuff, and well I used to belong to the church and part of that guilt is really getting to me.

So I broke down and told a more liberal uncle about it that I talk to about everything and he basically said I should feel worse that I went without sex all that time and it was no big deal and I shouldn't need counseling. But I feel I do, and because of bp symptoms getting worse even on meds and bad things that happened to me lately it's adding to that.

I'm trying to think about the positive aspects of it, I really had fun and it was safe and stuff. Plus I never smiled that much in my life. Plus I'm overweight and bipolar and I didn't think any guy would want date me and I was wrong. I told the guy I was bipolar and that didn't phase him.

But seriously, I can't convince my uncle this was a big enough deal I probably need to talk to a professional about it ASAP.

That is what I need help with, trying to tell uncle that I might even need to go to hospital for a while to get myself sorted out, and a med change. Plus trying to accept what happened.

[Perna]

Can you talk to one of your doctors? Maybe the doctor could help convince the uncle for you?

[Rapunzel]

Why do you need to convince your uncle of anything? This is bothering you significantly. What bothers other people or not isn't the relevant issue. I don't know if going to the hospital is needed or best for you - that depends on your level of safety right now or symptoms that could potentially be treated better in the hospital. Guilt and shame can be very intense, but these are emotions everyone experiences. It helps to have support working through them when they are very strong feelings. Talking to a therapist or to a clergy member can really help. You are 27. You don't need anybody's permission.

You know your uncle's position, and you know your other family members' positions on this issue. You chose to talk to your uncle for a reason, and got his answer. You chose him because he wouldn't freak out and make a big deal and add to your shame and guilt. It sounds like he tried to give you the support you asked him for. If it was not what you needed, what do you need and who would be able to give that to you?

[sugahorse1]

The first time i had sex I kind of knew it was coming a few days before. I was in a relationship, and I knew we were ready for the next step, I knew he'd look after me, and i knew I wouldn't feel dirty or used.
I chatted to another, older female friend about it, and managed to discuss any emotions I had around this.
As prepared as I was, the emotions that stay behind are intense. I'm not saying good or bad - just plain intense.
The reality of the situation kind of hits home.
At the same time, to have waited until you were 27 is quite a feat, and I definitely wouldn't feel guilty. We are all human and at some stage begin having urges and needs. I commend you for being so patient and waiting until you were in a relationship you felt comfortable in.
If you feel you want to go to counselling, can you not just set up an appointment on your own? You may need to sit with someone and interpret these strong emotions. It's a type of connection that cannot be experienced in any way other than during intercourse.
Especially women seem to not be able to switch these emotions off as easily.

[Rhapsody]

If you feel that you need help from a professional to get through this event in your life then I would move forward and start counseling.....

[birdcrazy]

opps, too many posts, see below

[birdcrazy]

Oh, I didn't explain this well enough, I have no transportation in a rural area. He won't take me to an appointment. I have one on Monday, but I could have seen somebody today and he said he was too busy moving his old cars, he planned on doing that today and didn't want his plans interrupted. In the meantime I had to call crisis line again.

And I wasn't really in a relationship with the guy, it wasn't rape, but it was a hook-up that happened because I was already manic and depressed over getting fired a week ago. Guy is no long around.

[lynn P.]

How do you feel right now? Do you know how to do deep breathing exercises? IMO you shouldn't feel bad for this 1st sexual experience. You said you had fun and smiled - that's a wonderful thing. it's great when the 1st experience is a good one.

If you really can't calm yourself, then insist on someone driving you. You have the right to enjoy sex at your age.

[birdcrazy]

Ugh, even more came up... you guys don't know the half of it, lots of negative things going on. I'm going to try to get hospitalized or something.

[Rhapsody]

((((((( HUGS ))))))) - May the hospital help get you started on a better you.
I know it helped me.

[sugahorse1]

I hope you can find peace in one way or another. In the mean time, feel free to post here and we def are available to support you.
I know I too felt in an emotional turmoil, but you can work through it. Was it not an option to call a cab to come fetch you?
I'm not sure what else is going on in your life, but I sure hope therpay and counselling will help you
hugs xx

[birdcrazy]

Hospital wouldn't accept me... and they said that I could see tdoc today and I called and they just said that wasn't true... It didn't help that I discovered yesterday I forgot meds

[Mike_J]

Your feelings are real, and you need to deal with them even if others don't understand them. I don't think you did anything wrong, but you did do something that is troubling for no other reason than that it is something that you need to deal with.

What your uncle said was his attempt at trying to be supportive but clearly it wasn't the sort of support you needed, but at the same time I don't think you need someone telling you that what you did was bad. The only bad thing about it is that it you are having difficulty procecessing it and dealing with it.

I agree with what has been said before, sounds like for a first sexual experience the act it's self was good, you just need to come to terms with what happend.

And just my two cents, you didn't do anything wrong, or that you should be ashamed or embarrased by.

[birdcrazy]

Actually, I ended up spending time in the hospital because my grandma was sick and she wanted me to stay with her in her room...

They adjusted my medication for me and I talked to tdoc about it some, I think I will be okay.

[sugahorse1]

Glad to hear!
And in a round-about way it worked out great that you could spend some time in the hospital. I hope the meds adjustment is the trick you were looking for to feel better