Mature Discussion About Masturbation

well thank goodness that isn't true, been in trouble if it was

I think all teens go through this because they get bored after a while and they just think of sexual images then thats what gets them into it to masturbate....

You did a great job lynn
I don't recall my mother ever having the conversation with me, and if she did then it was only once when I was too little to remember. I've never been caught and if I have then it's been ignored. I don't think that not having the conversation has affected me too badly though. When I had my first orgasm, I thought I'd discovered something no one else had, and so in my mind, masturbation was something special and sacred. It wasn't until the subject came up with friends at school that I learnt the message masturbation=gross, and I started to feel quite ashamed by it. That's when I wished I'd had some reassurance from my mother.

My mom never had the "talk". I learned from my boyfriend when I was in high school. One night we were making out it was time for me to go home and he said something about jacking off later. (Sorry for the crude term). I was very naive and asked what that meant. He explained it to me on the drive home. That night I explored myself. I don't think its wrong. But thanks to this thread my fiance and I sat down and talked about when we should talk to our kids about it. Its not something I ever thought about doing but I would rather them hear it from me than some one else. So thank you very much for starting the thread.

its not a crime to masturbate everyone does it at one point or another your experimenting with your body.

Good job Lynn.
I too wasn't sure where I stand in this issue for a looooong time. Mainly because of my parents' attitude. I was caught while at it !! I didn't even know what I was doing. Anyways, my mom didn't talk to me for a week and kept giving me dirty looks in addition to that. After exactly one week she said that only naughty, dirty kids did such things and I was brought up better that that. I think she even cried.... So, I felt like I was going to go to hell for just that...lol
But now I know it's normal. And that it's not some thing that would cause eternal damnation!

You handled that very well Lynn - I wish I could imagine my mom being like that!! I'm having a tough time with this and I don't know who to ask about it. I can't talk to T about it because that's just weird. I feel guilty when I do it because I'm worried somehow my parents would find out or that they wouldn't approve. Sounds dumb I know.

Well, there's this online community I know where people talk about all kinds of stuff. I'm pretty sure you've already heard of it. The name is right at the top of this page.
Does your T know it's weird?

LOL fool zero What I meant by weird was, it just doesn't seem right for therapy. I mean, I don't know how comfortable she'd be talking about it and I feel weird asking. I'm such a wuss. haha

Therapy is about whatever your concerns happen to be, isn't it? I'd think that if your T knew this was one of your concerns she'd want you to be able to talk about it. If this topic -- or any other -- did happen to trigger her, she'd most likely want to deal with that so she'd be fully available not only for you but for all of her clients.

According to the thread stats, 31 different members have posted to this thread so far. Sounds like there might be some interest in the subject...

Oh, cool, Indie, you did just start your own thread!

Thank you Indie. Like I said earlier in the thread.....this subject came up at the spur of the moment. I sensed she was feeling guilty about something and my senses told me it might be this...so I matter of factly put it out there(like it was no big deal). She immediately grabbed onto to it and I could see the relief on her face. I honestly never anticipated discussing it, unless I happened to walk in on it. She's so innocent and she was proud of herself that she had the 'courage' to talk about it.

I have discussed the subject of sex with my almost 13 yr old but haven't discussed masturbation. I saw this discussed on Oprah and the sex expert encouraged all parents to bring this up at the right time - the theory being if they feel okay satisfying themselves, this may curb looking outside for sex at too young an age. The audience gasped when she said this lol. I admit it's easier to talk about sex, than masturbation and I admit I was sweating at the brow when this happened lol.

As you can see from this thread, many people have mix feelings, especially the older generation, that was taught - it's a sin or weakness. Unless you have that 'open book' kind of bond, I don't advise you bringing it up. To be honest I think it's hard to find someone who doesn't do it. As long as it's done in moderation and not to deprive a partner from sex...I think it's fine. It would be sad if we can't enjoy our own bodies. Sadly my own mother never discussed sex at all with me, so I didn't want to make the same mistake with my own girls.

A couple times I was tempted to delete this thread(felt awkward at times), but now I'm happy I didn't and proud of everyone for the way they've discussed this topic.

You're welcome Lynn, and thanks for the info. I do love my mom, but some things we just don't discuss. That's why I'm here on PC

I know what you're saying Indie. I was raised Roman Catholic(guess it's okay to say that) and my mother was from the old belief system. At that time most parents didn't discuss sex and certainly not this subject. I know my mom loved me and I loved her. I just wanted it to be different for my girls.

I think all young teenagers should be educated about sex, STD's and pregnancy risks and I don't believe knowledge increases the chances of having sex at a young age. When I was 18 I honestly never heard of STD's and I didn't even know what oral sex was lol. I look at the whole topic as medical and I don't feel embarrassed talking about it - I was caught a little off guard with this topic though. I wouldn't want my child to feel it's a sin to engage in masturbation. I feel sorry for some people in the older generation who were made to feel ashamed.

I'm glad that you're bringing your daughters up differently that the older generations and maybe even mine were brought up. They'll feel more apt to come to their mother with their problems instead of looking to their peers for (possibly false) information

thank you Lynne.

TRIGGER TRIGGER TRIGGER (talk of abuse in my answer)




Yes, I was caught, m**t**b**ing, as a very young child and was systematically, repeatedly told that it was bad and wrong and that "god would punish me for even wanting these feelings".

These words and experiences were often punctuated with physical hitting, slapping and even deprivation.

I am 42 now and I still have terror memories when I even feel s*x*al.

ty so much,

Billi

((billi leli)) - I'm sorry you were punished and made to feel shame over this. Hopefully you can heal and develop healthier attitudes towards sex in the future.

Lynn P, I'd also like to say I think you handled that very well.

I feel kind of redundant but would like to share my bit. I never thought about touching myself when I was a kid. The thought that it might feel good just never occurred to me at all - we never really discussed sex in my house, or heard our parents doing it, etc. It was only once my more liberal friends bought me a toy for my 18th (yes!) birthday that I realised what I was missing! I still feel like the odd one out, the 'wrong' one for never having done it before.

ty Lynne for your words.

Billi

I was 12 or 14 when I started "self-servicing" lol. I felt dirty for a long time. I was raised catholic. My parents never to my knowledge found out and or haven't confronted me about it. As a 22 year old lesbian, I've fallen away from the church and have much different views on the subject of masturbation. It's normal and healthy.

I do not see how discussing masturbation can be harder than discussing sex. Masturbattion is a simple subject involving one person. Sex is a complex subject involving interrelationships between people which can be tricky and non trivial. As a rule, discussing complex subjects is harder than discussing simple subjects, just as learning to take second derivatives is harder than learning the multiplication table.

That was a propos of nothing, though.

My question is to people who have seen this whole thread. I do not have time to read it.

The question is ~ would this thread be helpful for a young person to come to terms with masturbation as a valid way to pass time for personal enjoyment?

Meaning, I hope to find something simple and uplifting for a person who has been very confused. Clear message and not too much cerebral debate.

Is that it?

lol Well, do keep in mind it's Lynn's daughter, and an 8 year old to boot (well, at the time...lol ancient topic ). It doesn't have to be harder than talking about sex at all...lol sex is usually considered an awkward parential topic to begin with (at least as I understand...I'm not a parent by any means). My own kid sis is only a few years younger than Lynn's at the time of posting this...lol I'm dreading her asking me about it, if I get "picked," so to speak.

Anyway, it has been ages since I've read through this, but if memory serves, it could help, yes. It's mostly people recounting stories of their own "talk" about it. Ultimately though, you'd have to read it yourself and garner your own understanding of it's applicability to your own situation.

I felt the same way. I felt it was something dirty that I shouldn't be doing or that it was a curse. I wrote to Girl's Life magazine about it and my question was printed in the magazine. She (Dear Carol) told me it was perfectly normal. Of course, now that I am older, I think it is perfectly natural. I don't know how I would address it to my child, I would reassure them that it is something done in private but that it is normal and that I was there for them if they have questions.

I told my kids that their genitals were there for pleasure and exploration when they were alone when they were... not sure... definitely already verbal, on the one hand, but before school, on the other hand.

Sex involves other people who are unpredictable and whose behavior we cannot control. That is why it is such a complicated issue. Masturbation, on the other hand, is self contained.

Thank you, I will recommend the discussion to that forum member who, I believe, might benefit from it.

I think you will need to be proactive, rather than wait for questions and offer reassurance in a reactive manner. Nothing bad in offering reassurance in a reactive manner, no, still an excellent way to proceed and to be available for your child(ten), but I think the proactive approach wins, at the end of the day.

Also, the adjective "normal" is sort of tepid. Neutral. Lukewarm. You probably would want to use adjectives with more positive connotations. More unequivocally uplifting and life affirming, so to speak.