Asexuality

I've identified as asexual for a couple of years; I've told about half a dozen people, though no one in my family. I'm a teenager and quite aware that sexuality is fluid and all that, but during my life so far I have been a person who doesn't experience sexual attraction or have a sex drive and I did a lot of soul searching to arrive at that conclusion. The comfort I've found in the past of having that label to stick on myself worries me a bit. I've been considering identifying as queer, but that seems quite a politicised word. Really, shouldn't I be against labels of this sort altogether, even the accurate ones?

I also used to find comfort in the online ace community, but recently I've been staying away. This is because a substantial number of posts on message boards and LJs seem to be talking about how icky sex is (I think I'm a lot more sex-positive than most people, especially my age!) and the superiority of asexual people. The comparison of asexuals' difficulties to those of the LGBTQ community also annoys me a bit, when you consider that in a lot of countries you still can be killed for loving someone the same gender as you or being born with the wrong biological sex. I don't seek to belittle the many difficulties asexual people face, but it just seems a very inappropriate comparison. Because of these sorts of things I'm a bit reluctant to identify as ace at all.

Also, something else has been playing on my mind - what if this is another facet of my personality that's governed by my depression and anxiety? Will I get over it as I recover? If I don't, will I still be considered "broken" and will people want to "fix" me with hormones and more counselling?

Argh, this is rambly. Anyway, it'd be interesting to hear from anyone else here who identifies/has identified as ace and how that relates to your mental health issues.

Labels are practically useless, especially in the case of sexuality. Try not to box yourself in with the use of labels. It can be nice to have others who you feel have similar ways of life/preferences, etc. but don't allow a feeling of wanting to belong override who you truly are if that is the case here.

You have plenty of time to test the waters and see where you stand. Gain some experience into your own needs and desires, then place a label on yourself should you so choose. Focus more on treatment that can alleviate your depressive and anxiety symptoms.

If you'd rather have a personal anecdote than practical insight:
I thought for about a year that I was asexual to find out that isn't the case. I have been dealing with depression most of my life, so to say that could have played a role isn't much of a stretch.

And whoever may consider you "broken" or in need of being "fixed" is not worth your time. Stand your ground and don't allow them to treat you as such.

I call myself asexual but don't really identify with the asexual community either. I can't really ever remember being sexually attracted to someone although I do masturbate and do enjoy sexual pleasure... just not with other people.

Just know that you're not alone. There are other people, and sexuality tends to fall more on a spectrum then a hard and fast black and white place.

Thank you for your advice. I'll avoid using labels, particularly since the wanting to belong isn't as strong as it used to be. I'll also try to stop worrying about it all to the detriment of my recovery. Thanks for your personal experience too - I've been dealing with it half my life so I can see how it could play a role. Standing my ground doesn't come naturally, but I'll give it all I can!

Thank you for your reply! It's quite easy to feel alone if you don't really fit into either the community or everyone else, but I'll keep myself from thinking I am. I'm trying to learn more about sexuality and how it's a spectrum - I have to avoid my desire to categorise everything! (Must be the scientist in me.)

Surprisingly, I heard a tiny gem of wisdom on The Jeremy Kyle Show. There was a teenager on there (18) who thought he was asexual and felt pretty depressed about it/in general. There were some things on the show which I didn't agree with and thought sounded a bit ignorant, but Kyle also said that sexual attraction can come later... or it can come in phases.
I read this statistic that said 1/3 of women go through a period in their lives where they experience no sexual desire. Regardless of sex, I think that stat shows how common it is.

Also, it can be easy to slip into thinking that, because other people seem to be having loads of easy sex all the time, and you are not, you're doing it wrong and must be asexual. It's okay to want to actually love someone first, or to get to know the ropes. I thought of myself as asexual for some time... but I think maybe it is a fear of the unknown, rather than sex itself.

Depression doesn't mean you're 'broken' or need to be 'fixed' - but I thought it might be worth it to mention that one of the major symptoms of depression is lack of libido. You probably know that, but sometimes obvious things slip our minds in the midst of panic. I also understand I might be totally off the mark since I don't know you!

I think that, you are young and not ready to be labeled yet. Whether you are asexual or not, you can understand yourself better with time, and the support of good people. Good luck!